SD..have a great time in RMNP. Try and let this all go and relax and have a good weekend. Maybe you'll both 'get lucky' under the stars. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Now I'm darned SURE there has been a shift in the space/time continum and you are actuall me from another dimension!!
I felt like a Walk Away Child too! WAC for short. I didn't get on with my Dad ... he didn't trust me, would go through my stuff, listen in to my phone calls, tell me what to do (eg "you don't want to be a mechanic, you want to work in an office, really push to have a career"), critise me to the point of telling me he was ashamed of me, call me fat, tell me "you'd look lovely if only you would (wear diffent clothes/lose a bit of weight/do your hair different). I was constantly being pecked at to be different. I was NOT accepted for who i was. And it hurt.
My Mum - nice lady but a bit cold. Would let me be me though, but I could feel a lot of disapproval at times. Both parents are rather judgemental and slow to forgive. To be 100% honest, i don't really like them that much. Of course I love them, always will, but I'm not really that keen to spend a lot of time with them. it hurts me to say that, I wish i felt differently, this has brought some tears to my eyes.
When I read about what others write about their kids, things like "I am so proud of them" and "I love being with them" I really feel quite warmed. I wish some of the guys on here could be my parents. It's important to tell your kids you love them no matter what, and that you support them.
I ran away from home at 17, for a week, over Xmas. The next summer I moved out, and for the next 10 years didn't live at home that much. 10 years ago I left for good, and I don't even like staying the night now.
But I've forgiven my Dad. Yes he was an absolute sh*t at time when I was gorwing up but he did love me. he taught me that to love someone meant to try to "improve" them. I got it wrong. I feel sorry for him now, he won't change. Both parents have mellowed out now and I really should one day make peace with it all, beofre they go (they are early 70's). It feels good to forgive Dad. Mum? I don't know, not much really to forgive. She's a hard centred person, a tough nut, probably doesn't really need my forgiveness or even care about it.
Anyway ... sorry, I'm off for a smoke. Sorry I didnt' catch you before you went away, I was away myself at a festival in the West Country, got back Monday. It was a great couple of days, I was me, myself, who **I** am, and boy does that feel good!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Now I'm darned SURE there has been a shift in the space/time continum and you are actuall me from another dimension!!
I felt like a Walk Away Child too! WAC for short. I didn't get on with my Dad ... he didn't trust me, would go through my stuff, listen in to my phone calls, tell me what to do (eg "you don't want to be a mechanic, you want to work in an office, really push to have a career"), critise me to the point of telling me he was ashamed of me, call me fat, tell me "you'd look lovely if only you would (wear diffent clothes/lose a bit of weight/do your hair different). I was constantly being pecked at to be different. I was NOT accepted for who i was. And it hurt.
My Mum - nice lady but a bit cold. Would let me be me though, but I could feel a lot of disapproval at times. Both parents are rather judgemental and slow to forgive. To be 100% honest, i don't really like them that much. Of course I love them, always will, but I'm not really that keen to spend a lot of time with them. it hurts me to say that, I wish i felt differently, this has brought some tears to my eyes.
When I read about what others write about their kids, things like "I am so proud of them" and "I love being with them" I really feel quite warmed. I wish some of the guys on here could be my parents. It's important to tell your kids you love them no matter what, and that you support them.
I ran away from home at 17, for a week, over Xmas. The next summer I moved out, and for the next 10 years didn't live at home that much. 10 years ago I left for good, and I don't even like staying the night now.
But I've forgiven my Dad. Yes he was an absolute sh*t at time when I was gorwing up but he did love me. he taught me that to love someone meant to try to "improve" them. I got it wrong. I feel sorry for him now, he won't change. Both parents have mellowed out now and I really should one day make peace with it all, beofre they go (they are early 70's). It feels good to forgive Dad. Mum? I don't know, not much really to forgive. She's a hard centred person, a tough nut, probably doesn't really need my forgiveness or even care about it.
Anyway ... sorry, I'm off for a smoke. Sorry I didnt' catch you before you went away, I was away myself at a festival in the West Country, got back Monday. It was a great couple of days, I was me, myself, who **I** am, and boy does that feel good!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Well, folks, I'm back and it was all around a great trip. Perfect? Nope, but I had a great time overall.
First, my mother behaved herself, and that visit was pretty good. I got to see my brother, his wife, and my niece as well as my grandmother who, I swear, is tougher than all of us on this board put together. Eighty-six and still driving well, mentally there, very mobile even after she fell and broke her leg and told she'd probably not walk again...which she is. I'm so happy I have those genes in my biology!
My friend's wedding was bittersweet. It was great to see her, but the man she married is abusive. The girl is looking for someone to rescue her, and she is willing to eat sh!t to be married. I met him for the first time the night before they got married, and his response to, "I've heard a lot about you," was, "About my giant penis?" Yeah. Man in his 30s with two kids. But I've learned that we all make choices and have our lessons to learn...and my role is to just love and support my friend as much as possible. I hope that it's not as bad as our friends tell me it is...
Rocky Mountain National Park was AMAZING. We hiked everyday, including one that was about 2-miles straight up. The payoff was wonderful--a magical little lake and views of the mountains that were unbelievable. I'm actually pretty proud that I did that and didn't give up! It felt good to push myself physically...it reminded me I need to challenge myself more.
As for H and I...overall it went smoothly. We had one big blowup where I had finally had it from him. What we both realized is that he doesn't "hear" me when I'm quietly, politely asking for what I want/need. So, after 15 times of dealing with the same response from him, I get so frustrated that I have to go thermonuclear. That's the only way he hears me, and then he goes all martyr/victim on me and calls me mean.
We sat down and talked about this, and I pointed out all the times I'd asked him to please be careful w/my computer at the airport, and he'd laughed at me and said he had it secure, etc. Mind you, my H is a self-proclaimed clutz and a whole lotta ADD and doesn't do well in busy situations with his attention. He kept balancing my computer on top of the suitcase and then whipping around with his backpack...I had to rescue the poor thing a few times. I even offered to carry it, and he refused. What finally set me off in the end was when he was so in his own world that he was blocking the trail and people were basically crawling up my back trying to get by. I just said, "Hon..." and he turned around and snapped, "Hon WHAT?"
Well, I'd had it. I *quietly* told him that the way he'd spoken to me wasn't okay. We didn't talk much for the rest of the hike. When we got back to the inn, again, quietly, I told him how angry I was and how I didn't accept that sort of treatment from anybody. He has this habit of seeing something shiny on the road and then interrupting me while I'm talking...or just interrupting or not listening too. So all of these things came tumbling out as I explained my frustration.
BTW, in the middle of this he told me there was nothing wrong with interrupting people while they talked. I told him MOST people on this planet find that rude, as did I.
He has a hard time EVER admitting he is wrong. Ever. It drives me nuts sometimes.
But, we took some time to cool off, and he did apologize. I told him that I know he doesn't like it when I get that frustrated, but when I try to do things calmly and talk to him about it, he either doesn't hear me or take me seriously. I think it was an eye opener for him. The rest of the trip he honestly tried really hard, and he even told me once, "Right now I can't listen to you because there's too much going on on the road--I need to pay attention so I don't kill us." I thanked him for that; articulating his needs and even knowing what he needs is something I want more of.
Now...I will get a 2x4 for this, and I'm kind of okay with that. But I still check H's phone. There's a big part of me that suspects he deletes any calls to or from her...but I have been assuming goodwill. Anyway, I checked his texts this morning, and I saw he'd sent LW a picture he'd taken of a stream we visited in Colorado. Now, he sent it to his stepfather as well, but....well, it violates the no contact beyond work boundary. I KNOW I did this to myself...and I know that I shouldn't do it...and I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything. And what could I do, anyway, without telling him I snooped?
Bah. I think probably he really does think of her as just a friend, but I also think he is still hiding more contact with her than he knows I'm comfortable with. Sort of a, "If she doesn't know, it's okay," approach.
So I'm chewing on that right now, but still enjoying my amazing trip. I need more of that in my life--physical and mental challenges...sort of a GAL on mild steroids!
Go ahead. Commence with the beating. Some habits die hard....
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Nope, not gonna beat you up about the snoopin'. You already know everything I would say anyways, so....
We all fall into our behavior routines in our R's, where we go into automatic-response-mode with each other. It's great that you and H both recognized one of these patterns and made a real effort to break out of the habitual dance - just terrific!
The trip sounds awesome. Hearing you talk about the hike to the lake, I had to go look up my 6-year-old vacation photos online. Was that wonderful little lake called Dream Lake or Emerald Lake, by any chance?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
The trip sounds awesome. Hearing you talk about the hike to the lake, I had to go look up my 6-year-old vacation photos online. Was that wonderful little lake called Dream Lake or Emerald Lake, by any chance?
We *did* do that hike--the one that starts at Bear Lake and proceeds on to three other lakes--but that's not the one I was talking about. At least with that one there are the lakes to stop and rest at and some flat parts. No, the one I'm talking about is Gem Lake. It's outside of the park on the other side of Estes. It's truly an amazing hike, but it kicked my boo-tay! LOL
Just wondering...do you ever snoop anymore? Anyone else? I also wonder what someone might find and assume about me if they snooped...I'm trying to assume good will.
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
