H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

Hi DNO

Thanks so much for reading my thread - that takes some time and dedication! There are so many stories here on this board, so many worth reading.

It's very interesting to read your post, and I've thought alot about it. I think it would be fair to say that in my R with my H I've become very used to being lied to, to being surprised with nasty secrets, to taking alot of rubbish of H. So in one sense this whole situation now is kinda normal for me - it's probably why I am calm.

But it also means that I might not be protecting the interests of myself and my children. I do need to protect myself from his debt. We are actually going to divorce by 'Mediation' (do they have that in the US?), where you both go and work out the arrangements together rather than take an adversarial stance with the solicitors. That is going to be hard because I will have to go and fight my own corner, I simply can't afford to take on any of his debt.

Based upon his history, it seems fair to expect he will be every bit is dishonest in seperation/divorce as he was in marriage.

That is tough to contemplate. But you are right, I certainly need to consider it. It's not something I had thought about if I'm honest.