The Longest Journey

[Jen_Jam]

Now I'm darned SURE there has been a shift in the space/time continum and you are actuall me from another dimension!!

I felt like a Walk Away Child too! WAC for short. I didn't get on with my Dad ... he didn't trust me, would go through my stuff, listen in to my phone calls, tell me what to do (eg "you don't want to be a mechanic, you want to work in an office, really push to have a career"), critise me to the point of telling me he was ashamed of me, call me fat, tell me "you'd look lovely if only you would (wear diffent clothes/lose a bit of weight/do your hair different). I was constantly being pecked at to be different. I was NOT accepted for who i was. And it hurt.

My Mum - nice lady but a bit cold. Would let me be me though, but I could feel a lot of disapproval at times. Both parents are rather judgemental and slow to forgive. To be 100% honest, i don't really like them that much. Of course I love them, always will, but I'm not really that keen to spend a lot of time with them. it hurts me to say that, I wish i felt differently, this has brought some tears to my eyes.

When I read about what others write about their kids, things like "I am so proud of them" and "I love being with them" I really feel quite warmed. I wish some of the guys on here could be my parents. It's important to tell your kids you love them no matter what, and that you support them.

I ran away from home at 17, for a week, over Xmas. The next summer I moved out, and for the next 10 years didn't live at home that much. 10 years ago I left for good, and I don't even like staying the night now.

But I've forgiven my Dad. Yes he was an absolute sh*t at time when I was gorwing up but he did love me. he taught me that to love someone meant to try to "improve" them. I got it wrong. I feel sorry for him now, he won't change. Both parents have mellowed out now and I really should one day make peace with it all, beofre they go (they are early 70's). It feels good to forgive Dad. Mum? I don't know, not much really to forgive. She's a hard centred person, a tough nut, probably doesn't really need my forgiveness or even care about it.

Anyway ... sorry, I'm off for a smoke. Sorry I didnt' catch you before you went away, I was away myself at a festival in the West Country, got back Monday. It was a great couple of days, I was me, myself, who **I** am, and boy does that feel good!