Trying to prove you wrong would be a pointless excercise and a waste of time. This is who you are. Not saying this as a slight, just saying this is your make-up and how you think, so its a waste of time, and is only going to piss you off.
Yes Jack, you are completely and utterly correct here. There is a reason you are an expert on these boards. I think you need to acknowledge the fact that you are.
Phil, back on task now ok....... Let's get back to figuring out what you need to do/work on.
Your starting to see what you are doing wrong and correcting yourself. That is a very positive step.Now it's time to start figuring out some triggers to stop you from doing them before they happen.
Where to you seem to end up in a bad way...seems to me the following:
1. Long drawn out discussions with the W.
2. Kid issues/Scheduling dillemas.
3. Text messaging....
So I guess my recommendation would be that you take a look at these three things and figure out how to "limit your exposure" to them. How can you make each one a little less hard on you. You don't have to come up with some miracle cure for each, merely a couple of small goals for yourself on each one to start the ball rolling with making progress.
ie: #3, limit your texts to 5-7 words max. No texting with wifes friend.
Understand what I am saying? I agree with Jack that there are points that are worth arguing and then there are points that are simply your personality and rather than beat a dead horse, let's see if we can get the horse to figure out how to work within his own restraints.
You are improving Phil, you have gotten much better at looking at the criticism and not taking it as a bashing. You should be proud of yourself for that. It is ok to not agree with others opinions, it is not ok to impose your own beliefs on them. You have been much better about accepting that we all have our differences.
One more question Phil, what do you have planned for yourself this weekend? Any special time with the kids? Might be a good time for some bonding with dad, something special and different.
Having too much expectation. I see her come down from the mother ship and I expect she is landing. Then zip.
The other night... I was in the funk... trying to detach angry as hell. Didn't want nothing to do with her anymore. She gives me a kiss, hug, and says she loves me. Then zip back in the car and down her house. I expected her to stay, say its over, the bull crap is over. I'm sorry, I want to come home. I want to work it out.
I was delusional at best...
Now the favors... me thinking the little favors are going to win her back...... all bull crap.
You know what I think helped me. I texted that pig girl she went nuts on me, and I did not return insult for injury. I only said one smart thing. Go eat some ice cream. Now that isn't bad. This girl used every four letter word on me you could possibly imagine. Some words I didn't even know existed. Now what kind of power did that girl have that I didn't respond. Did she run to my wife and say boy he is such an ahole. No she couldn't because I took her crap. Smiled and waved...
Maybe it did help. Maybe it hurt. Maybe its a cosmic thing.
You see that girl did tell my wife that she thought my changes were for the long run. Did I prove that by not responding to her venom? Maybe, maybe not... did I give her any ammo to run to my wife. I certainly did not.
Did this board tell me that? Yes. Turn the other cheek, really turn the other cheek. Then go cry somewhere else. Never ever ever let them see you sweat!
You see I remember something the other night I saw from a girl. She said once you guys get it into your think head that we are all crazy and just let us be crazy you will get along with us better.
You see let them act all crazy. Don't respond to it. Let them honk the horn 10 times, a hundred times. Smile and wave...
You are improving Phil, you have gotten much better at looking at the criticism and not taking it as a bashing. You should be proud of yourself for that. It is ok to not agree with others opinions, it is not ok to impose your own beliefs on them. You have been much better about accepting that we all have our differences.
Ian - totally agreed! Very well said. I mentioned it in one of my posts too but in case it got buried, I wanted to echo your comments. Phil, you're doing much better and I am so glad to see it.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I only said one smart thing. Go eat some ice cream. Now that isn't bad.
Diffuse it all or you want or play as innocent as you want, but you're smarter than that, and so are we. You told a fat girl to eat some more ice cream. Basically, do the only thing you are good at. Did you think she was going to thank you?
You went for the head shot, and are trying to play it off as an innocent remark.
If you said that to her face, you'd be missing your eyes.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Ok how about a chancellor. Lord Chancellor Jack three beans, presiding over the commentary of the DB boards.
You are an expert. A leading member! By exact definition according to Merriam-Webster in adjective form, sub defintion #2 having, involving, or displaying special skill or knowledge derived from training or experience. The obsolete defintion #1 is EXPERIENCED!
EXPERT=EXPERIENCED 1=1
You said another thing right. I don't need a counselor. I need an expert.
Counselor according to merriam again = A person that gives advice.
You Jack don't really give advice. You give knowledge, and there is a difference.
Knowledge = the fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association.
If I'm not right than I'm not happy. Why should I waiver? Why should I not be happy. I think that is a really poor and sophmoric look on relationships.
Phil--you sound like a 2-year-old. Marriage and relationships in general are dependent upon compromise; it's inherent in their nature. Yes, we all have our deal-breakers that we can't compromise upon, but I think every little thing's a deal-breaker for you.
That sophomoric concept is part of marriage prep for Catholic marriages as well as many other denominations. Also for many marriage-healing programs. But I suppose you're RIGHT, you obviously have more wisdom in this than all the experts because you currently have a very happy marriage, right?
Let me re-iterate: would you rather be right or be happy? You're absolutely certain that you're right about all that's going on in your life right now. But are you happy?
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
