His email does sound understandable, he is confused and wants to make sure that he does not hurt you or lead you on while he figures things out. he cares for your feelings talk about a huge baby step!!
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
wow- thanks you guys...its so hard to see clearly sometimes when your in the middle of it all.
he just came to my office which is a huge step in itself bc i work with my family and my bro is here today...so he had to see my bro- he actaully said he wanted to...so i went in with him for a bit then went back to my offcie and they talked...not sure what...but then we had a few jokes back and forth and our dog is here too so he got to pet her and we talked about her...it was all good...we said we would talk or see eachother maybe late next week...and we hugged goodbye...i said have fun!
also during the signing of the paperowkri was very patient and let him take the lead...asked him a lot of questions.
so its all good- just the same old slower than i want story- yet at the same time i need this to be slow....
thanks everyone
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Some very good development. I thought it was great that he broke the ice on the e-mail....he was probably nervous about how you felt as well. I thought his e-mail had a little bit of the "brake pedal" to it, but not too major. He spent the majority of it talking about how he appreciated the good time and how he appreciated you. The rest is natural...he wants to make sure he is doing it for the right reasons.
I thought it was great that he went and talked with your family...that is no small task for a WAS....remember they are often viewed as the bad guy...regardless of how we contributed o the sitch. I also thought it was good you let him take the lead on the paperwork.....very smart move from a lady.
You are very good at this and you have a lot of patience those can only be good things. It is good that you have a "pre-planned" break due to travel.....I wouldn't be happy to see that he has contacted you before that...of course you know what to do.
I am very happy for you!!!!
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
The email was the typical backpedel of a great night. It's what we all hear in some way, shape or form. But, most of the letter was telling you it was a good night and that he appreciated it. That was totally unnecessary, but he told you anyways! You're doing great and I'm happy for you!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
((((TD)))) you make me feel so level headed....it makes me see that this is all going well.
why is it good for preplanned vacation? so that it isnt forced or pressure on us to hang out? so now he (and I) can refresh and he can see what he wants to do?
also -i validated what he felt and let him know that is liked us hanging out and i understood what he was saying....
sometimes this seems so complicated!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
why is it good for preplanned vacation? so that it isnt forced or pressure on us to hang out? so now he (and I) can refresh and he can see what he wants to do?
You got it! Also I imagine it has probably been a while since either one of you went on a vacation with out the other......something will feel different.....something will be missing...you gave each other something positive to think about while you were on vacation
Last edited by TwinDad; 07/23/0808:49 PM.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
very true...i did go one one vaca at the beginning of all this but that was different...that is nice that we have so much more positive history now to reflect on...im sure he will miss me more and more...(vibes!)
OK- so one more thing:
my bro just told me that he told my H when he was here that i am really healthy, happy and confident and im doing really well.. and my H said to him well maybe its me...my bro said he wanted him to know that ive been doing really well..then my bro was nicer and they talked about his job, etc..also my bro pushed him away in a sort of guy gesture like look who the cat dragged in...
in a way im happy my bro was a bit aggressive w him..and thats why i left the room- in a way it makes me sad and scared bc it is could bring up his guilt...i know guys talk to eachother differently so thats why this seems ok too...
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Hi Pisces, I'm just peeking in to check on you. Hugs.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
