Here's a couple more of husband's threads. His wife used to speak to him in a very demeaning/hurtful way. Things have really turned around. I hope you will seriously consider convincing your h to go. I sort of feel it's your only hope.
I'm tired of all this. I'm weary. I'm done. I honestly don't see our talk Sat going well, and I really don't have it in me to care. I'm not a bad person, really. I'm just so tired of it all.
Ladybug,
This is understandable...this is very draining and you have been at this for a while now. Don't take his post ML comment as anything....remember believe nothing of what you here...he was probably doing it just to see what your reaction was...kind of a test (I don't agree with this but people do it).
As far as the Sat morning talk goes, "act as if" if you go in negative...it will come out negative, if you go in there with a positive attitude and portray that you will likely get a good reaction. Whatever you do be calm through it. You H feeds off your emotions. This doesn't mean that you have to admit you are completely wrong just don't get dragged into a fight or a blame game. If your H tries to turn it into one, the just say something like "we both know what went wrong and how we got here, there is no point in trying to figure out who was the chicken or who was the egg, we need to work on how we are going to go forward and be a good couple and parents"
Just my thoughts. I know you have been at this a while....you have had some amazing stamina. Remember to check your pride at the door, but this doesn't mean that you need to be a doormat.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Well, the talk Sat never happened. Not a big surprise for me, and kinda a relief. Last night, h called me as I was picking up the kids and asked me to bring the kids to him while I go to weight watchers. My mom always watches the kids Tues while I'm at ww, but h lately has been on this kick that he wants to start seeing the kids more. (I know that's a GOOD thing, but it's irritating me that for 8mos he never wanted to see them until now). Anyway, I don't know what h thought ww was, but it's only a 30min meeting. After ww, I always drive-thru Taco Bell ( yes, I count it into my points for the day). So, I show up about 35 min later with my Taco Bell, and I sit at the table and start to eat while the kids finish playing. H then calls me to the couch and tells me that they just got done BBQ'ing chicken and hot dogs and he wants to eat with the kids. I said, "Great", and I started to put my food away thinking that BBQ sounded wonderful. Then he tells me, "So, can you leave while I eat with the kids?" Leave?? He tells me all day about how he wants to work on things with me, and then he asks me to leave so he can eat with the kids?!
I was so humiliated that I had to sit in my car in front of his house eating my Taco Bell while he and my kids, and the in-laws sat together eating BBQ! Finally, about 45 min later, I was able to take the kids home. I didn't even look at h as I put them in the car.
He calls later, and says, "are you going to work on the marriage, or should I just file for divorce?" me: Was that your idea of working on the marriage? Making your wife eat dinner in the car? h: just answer my question. me: I've never felt so unloved and disrespected as I did tonight. h: Fine. I'll go file, and you can go f*** yourself!
I know he's pushing my buttons so he can justify his decisions about moving away from his family. His going tomorrow to look at houses in Santa Maria and I KNOW he wants to move there. It would look really bad if he left us behind unless I'm some evil, manipulating, b*tch. On the other hand, he calls me later and says he wants to work on the marriage, and he wants me prove that I'll work on things with him by moving with him! WE DON'T LIVE TOGETHER NOW, HOW CAN I MOVE AWAY WITH HIM???!!! He doesn't get it. I told him to sit still, work on our marriage and I'll go wherever he wants. He says that's now how it works.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
wow- so he wnats you to move in with him in order to fix things? and why wont you do this? is it fear that he will walk or you dont think things are really fiaxable?
and i am shocked about the car incident. that was waaaaaaay over the top. he is trying so hard to push your buttons. im sorry for that- NO EXCUSE to do that...
what do you think you can do with your actions?
words are not cutting it by now...(((Mrs L))))
thanks for stopping by my posts too ..
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
There are several things that I NEED him to do before I think we can live together again. For one thing, he needs to address and control his anger. He needs to get help for his OCD issues, if not medication, then some sort of therapy for it. Also, he needs to get right with God. I know that's not my place to judge, or to tell him about, but I've asked him to pray with me like we used to and he won't. One of my "conditions" is that we do a couples Bible study. Either one-on-one or as a group, and he won't because he doesn't thing I exemplify a Christian life, so he doesn't want church or anything esle in that regard.
It's not just moving in with him, it's selling our house and moving AWAY. Away from my family and my support.
Isn't it logical that issues get resolved, THEN you move in together again?? I can't live with the man he's become.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
What can I do with my actions?? That's a tough one. Honestly I still think it's my mouth that gets me into more trouble. I have a hard time putting the sarcasm aside when he starts pushing my buttons. It's just too unbelievable some of the things he says, that I can't help it. I need a big 'ol sock to put in my mouth.
On a happy note, I'm leaving tomorrow to go visit my sis in Roseville. The kids are so excited and I need a break from the drama.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
thats a good analogy- think of a huge sock in your mouth when you want to say something. see what happens when you dont react. he will be taken by surprise...
as for his changes... the OCD and relgion can wait...thats part of all this...i think
the anger- what do you mean by anger? physical?
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
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