Kelly Jo The Wifey new thread.

[The Wifey]

That's a good idea. My sister is actually very good about it. It's my Mom that is awful. As in, open mouth and spew hatred about my husband and frustration that I am not standing up for myself.

How the hell do you stand up for yourself when you aren't under attack. Instead the WA is withdrawing. Where do people get this concept?

Its a little like trying to hold back Jello.

[mulesqb]

My Dad is just like your Mom. I just say to myself that he can't relate to this sitch because he wants a quick fix - which ain't gonna happen. Different generation.

I think you're doing great for yourself - enjoy the night!

[Kalni]

Hi Kelly Jo,
had to face the same with my mom. You know what I did? I told her I am in pain, I am hurting too much and all I want is some peace of mind and ended with "can you please help me with that?"... She actually did.

Good for you anyway to get out, you need a break...
K

[The Wifey]

Well, had a nice size plate of spaghetti, salad and warm bread for dinner. Now, I'm on here with my friends and also visiting with family. So far, so good.

God I wish I could call him - or that he would want to call me.

Bonus, I let everyone know no deep conversations and they are letting me be.

[poet]

Hi Kelly Jo,

Just stopping in to thank you for your post to my thread. I've been way out-of-it today; you know the drill.

(((((hugs to KJO)))))
s

[The Wifey]

Yeah, Suzanne. I know. I'm in the drill.

[steady]

Hi Wifey. Just checking up on your sitch. I can relate to the family not understanding what it is we are trying to do. I've spent hours explaining both sides of my sitch to my SIL and my own sister. They are a bit pissed at my wife and think I am being too soft.

But they are beginning to understand.

I really like the analogy you use about holding back Jello. You're absolutely right, it isn't an attack but rather a withdrawal. I learned years ago that I would fight for someone I love, but I wouldn't fight them.

You can't squeeze love, it would just run through the fingers like water. You can only cup it.

Your family just wants to see you out of pain. Perhaps they will never really understand.

You are standing up for yourself. Standing up for what you think is right regardless of the opinions of those around you. You take care of yourself and make yourself a better person. You detach and do the best you can do. You learn DB and execute it. This is all standing up for yourself in the heat of battle.

Stand tall.

Ken

[smartcookie]

Hi Kelly Jo,

I'm way behind on my reading, but I wanted to peek in on you. I'm glad you got some good spaghetti & I cross my fingers that H will call you. Hugs.

[The Wifey]

(((Ken, Suzanne and Smart Cookie)))

Actually, the spaghetti was the most food I've eaten in like 2 weeks. It was just such a relief to have a peaceful, read not painful, evening. Funny, it made me empathize with what my h said about wanting peace and not to hurt. LOL.

I actually called my h. Kept it very brief, just let him know I was missing him. I don't do the completely dark thing, because I was often away or focused outside of the house, family and m.

It was very quick and then I surfed the BB the rest of the night. Great night, actually, and I slept well, too.

[mrz99]

Hang in there. We all really care about you.

Not to be pushy, but you have to find some way to disassociate yourself mentally in some way. You spend way too much time thinking about your situation and you have to find a way to give "the noggin" a break from some of that. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't suffer from the same problem. I find myself waking up and it seems like I am already in the middle of thinking about the "sitch". It is almost like an extension of a dream. During the day, same thing. The sitch creeps into my thoughts all day long.

Lately, I have done a better job of suppressing the thoughts and when I am capable of doing so the day goes easier. Thinking about all of this is very very draining.

Find something that works (e.g. meditation).

My prayers are with you.

Peace

Mark