I've been following along & catch myself saying "Yes, yes, don't put up w/ that cr@p anymore, go girl go."
Quote:
His life is an out of control mess, so what better way to feel better than to control others, us especially. I have also accepted it for the most part and I'm done with that. Just like his questioning my whereabouts, thats done too.
The consequences of his actions will soon be all too plain.
Originally Posted By: dry_heat (((((((Corey)))))))
Don't let him suck you in! By acting like nothing happened, he is trying to hide from himself, I think. He does not want to face HIS issues. HIS affair, HIS gambling, HIS potential child. Detach yourself from HIS crap! Stay out of it!
This is right on. By trying to be his "friend" I have actually just allowed this nonsense to continue. He has had the best of both worlds (cake eating...major, cake eating!)and something has got to give. If he chooses OW and that R, then he can have it...all of it. Let her deal with his tantrums and whining
I've allowed the same nonsense & seeing what you're doing inspires me. Thanks for that!
I've been following along & catch myself saying "Yes, yes, don't put up w/ that cr@p anymore, go girl go."
I've allowed the same nonsense & seeing what you're doing inspires me. Thanks for that!
Sunny
Sunny if I can inspire anyone not to do the same stupid stuff I've done, then it will all have been worth it. I will have to drop by and read your sitch. I'm just tired of feeling like this. I've gone down the cheeseless tunnel long enough and now its time to try a 180. If this doesn't work, oh well. It'll keep me away from the drama and thats alright by me.
Originally Posted By: lost_in_space
Wambulance - I LOVE THAT!!!!!!
Glad you like it. I'm always pretty good for a snarky comment or come-back.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Me three! I think we all have a tendency to be too nice to our WAS (except for Puppy of course)! You are really inspiring me Corey!!! Karen
No, I was too nice to mine, which got me into the whole mess to begin with! I know it's hard to believe, but I am a CLASSIC "No More Mr. Nice Guy" guy. Rescuer, pleaser, co-dependent, son of an alcoholic, the whole shootin' match. So I know of which i speak when I try to get people to stop the pleasing behavior and nut-up.
No, I was too nice to mine, which got me into the whole mess to begin with! I know it's hard to believe, but I am a CLASSIC "No More Mr. Nice Guy" guy. Rescuer, pleaser, co-dependent, son of an alcoholic, the whole shootin' match.
Puppy
Sorry for the TJ, but HOLY CRAP PUPPY, you and I have a lot of similarities - right down to the son of an alcoholic... WOW
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
No, I was too nice to mine, which got me into the whole mess to begin with! I know it's hard to believe, but I am a CLASSIC "No More Mr. Nice Guy" guy. Rescuer, pleaser, co-dependent, son of an alcoholic, the whole shootin' match.
Puppy
Sorry for the TJ, but HOLY CRAP PUPPY, you and I have a lot of similarities - right down to the son of an alcoholic... WOW
I may start a thread on this soon. In the meantime, know that my "hardass" approach stems from my own struggles with Niceguydom.
I'm always pretty good for a snarky comment or come-back.
Baby cakes, you are the BEST.
I'm taking a page from Puppy's No More Mr. Nice Guy Book... I'm tired of being the sweet, loving, giving, giving, giving fool. I'll still be me, but I will never allow my life to be put in limbo for so long again. Thanks to the fine examples of strength and support I've received here.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Just like the fog sometimes lifts from the WAS, it does lift from us LBss, as well. Of course, WHEN it lifts is another issue but when it happens, things show their real "face" and usually all excuses and justifications for their f&cks up just come down fast... I am convinced that as long as "we" are not ready to see it, no matter if Puppy is on our back 24/7, it won't happen.
My stbxH is a nice guy. No abuse or anything very mean, he is just weak. Being nice and accommodating to him, only made it easier for him to avoid his issues. Now that I am gone, he may wake up, but it could be that I destroyed any chances for this marriage since I let it die before I "stood up".
In your case, I wanted to be very harsh from the beginning but didn't "know" you and was afraid to speak out. I honestly believe that getting yourself out of his mess, is the best thing you could have done for you and your family. Sometimes we just need to face the fact that things are not as we thought they would be. Sometimes, it was bad timing, worse choice.
Once you get some more distance between you and his crap, you will fell free, this guy is bad news and he would be holding you down only to be able to measure up with you. I hope I am not being too harsh, but sweetheart, you can't correct a mistake, with another one. Get as far as you can get from him. Love K
I'm always pretty good for a snarky comment or come-back.
Baby cakes, you are the BEST.
I'm taking a page from Puppy's No More Mr. Nice Guy Book... I'm tired of being the sweet, loving, giving, giving, giving fool. I'll still be me, but I will never allow my life to be put in limbo for so long again. Thanks to the fine examples of strength and support I've received here.
I think the trick is to STILL be nice (most people in my life would tell you I'm one of the nicest people they know), but to not be a "Nice Guy"/"Nice Girl" in the contest of the "NMMNG" teaching.
Be courteous, kind and conscientious, but not pleasing.
It's all about who you're doing it for. If you're doing it because it's who you are, and it's simply the right thing to do, then that's fine. But if you're doing it to create some sort of quid pro quo from your spouse, or out of fear of what their reaction is going to be (that they'll "get mad"), then you've crossed over into pleasing/rescuing/supplicating territory, and THAT doesn't work.
Karen