Mulesqb - Still alive and Kickin'

[mulesqb]

Hey Bill - When she discusses her therapy with me, she never addresses anything about me - I think she feels that's her personal zone and it will take a long time for her to feel comfortable enough. I think she led the therapist to her mom. She is the new punching bag (although she went this way years ago with her first bout with depression).

I really am trying to stay focused just on me and the boys but it is very difficult under the current circumstances. We are still under the same roof, eat meals together, sleep in same bed..so we do have a lot of interaction. She also wants me to be with her whenever the neighbors come over. She has started any R talk to gauge where i am at. I had been staying away from it until IC pushed me a little the other night. Not sure it was the best advice - nothing was really gained.

I let the comment about my family go - it's not realistic.

Honestly there are some backroom conversations. They have become impossible to avoid. She is so oblivious to their needs they are constantly questioning me. My IC advised me to be honest with them, that they see what's going on. I was very honest with her about what I say to them and why. She seemed ok with it - but I think she feels extreme guilt. When I came back from the train station I assured her that a couple of weeks ago I agreed to pick up the slack for her because of her current feelings and that is what I am doing and that is between her and I. She seemed comforted by that. I agree with you - hopefully she doesn't mention it anymore.

We talked the other morning about the intimacy. My therapist suggested that I try to initiate sex to see where we stood (it's been so long I had to think about how to initiate!). She basically said at the moment - that she's not there yet and that she hoped I could understand. I had been cuddling her in the morning as late as a few days ago and she seemed fine with it. I stopped the last two days. It's interesting that you bring this up. She once mentioned that her first boyfriend "forced" himself on her (not for intercourse- but for petting). She didn't make a big deal out of it at the time but I know her and I think there may be something to it, so i mentioned it to IC. She told me she thinks something happened in her childhood that she hasn't confided. I don't know though, I think preMLC, especially early on in our R she would have told me something like that.

I think you're right. For some reason, I seemed to have gotten a little impatient this week. I think I am back in stride and will just get back to as much normalcy as possible. I don't want a no contact zone and I want the boys to just enjoy their life as much as possible right now.