W denies anything going on, it's all easily explained away and my snooping means end of marriage. I don't know. I've spent a lot of time seeing her behavior in the best possible light. Perhaps now, I'm seeing it in the worst possible light. I'm just tired that it is always my fault and it has always been my fault and even after incredible personal growth, it's still my fault.
The thing that bugs me the most is that it seems she doesn't really care that what she is doing bothers me. Her comments are basically "It's your problem. Anyone else wouldn't have a problem with what I'm doing." Most everyone else that I've shared her antics with have said that it would be unacceptable in their R and think that I'm some kind of saint for putting up with it.
Probably MLC too on both of our parts. I'm tired of bleeding my life out sitting in a little box in front of another little box to come home to no appreciation and no love. The house looks like a bomb went off, dinner needs fixing, the dishes and laundry and floors and cleanup need taken care of and everyone is complaining that Dad doesn't spend any time with the kids and that the house is a mess.
I've had enough. I need to reconcile that there are parts of who my W is that I love dearly and I will always love and that there are parts of my W that since she seems unwilling to change, will likely lead to a D.
