Mulesqb - Still alive and Kickin'

[mulesqb]

Hey Bill - long morning. I decided to stay in my bed last night. It's funny, I was thinking about exactly what you wrote about what message does it send?? So I decided to stay.

She woke me up this morning and asked me about my feelings. She said we never finished our conversation yesterday. I told her that we left off that she was going to call me after therapy and that since she didn't I figured she didn't feel like talking. She said that she totally forgot about calling me (but 18 hours later she remembered exactly where the conversation left off). I told her that her forgetfulness was concerning me because she forgets a lot of things and it's happening more and more. Well that was the wrong thing to say because she ended getting into one of her tirades - pushing my buttons left and right.

She got me animated a few times but I was able to calm down immediately each time. Not easy though. She is upset that nobody in my family has called her to see if she's ok during this entire sitch. But in the meantime, in the two interactions she's had with them - she was very rude to them so there's no way they are going to do what she wants.

The biggest point is that she thinks I am brainwashing the kids against her. She said that I do too much with them and that makes her look bad and I am doing this on purpose (that's what set me off). I told her that I love my kids very much and as far as I am concerned I can't do enough with them. I told her that I am tired of her trying to make me feel guilty about spending time with the kids.

It didn't go well - she said to me that I can't possibly love her anymore no matter what I say because of what's gone on. She said she can tell that i don't love her anymore.

I ended up leaving for work. Was totally exasperated. We said some bad things to each other. My bad thing: You win - you can have whatever you want the house, the kids - whatever you think you need - I'm done> -- I know that was bad - but she was pointing in my face and one time grabbed me.

I got to the train station and decided to go back home - she was sitting on the front porch with Duncan. I brought up a cup of coffee. I told her that I was sorry about the way we spoke to each other this morning and that I don't want to do that anymore. I told her that I came back to the house as her H and friend. I said I do love her and that my actions for the last 6 months should really be the thing that shows her that. I didn't leave the house when it would have been totally justified. Instead I stayed to work on the marriage and our family. I told her that I get very frustrated by this situation because I don't see her working on it. I told her that I constantly pick up the slack with the kids because she said that she needed me to do that - but then she complains about the way I do it.

I said that I am here for her if she wants to talk to me just to listen - not offer any advice but I understand if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me. I told her that I worry about her constantly because I see things that are very uncharacteristic of the person I have known to be my best friend. I said that I will just be here for support and not judge going forward. But when it comes to the kids I will do what I feel like I want to do with them and I want feel guilty about it anymore. I told her that I feel bad that she is going through hell inside and i can't imagine how much that must hurt.

That was pretty much the gist f what i said. She then spoke foir the next 45 minutes and basically blamed the way her mother raised her as to why she is in her current state. She confided a lot about her therapist session yesterday. The therapist told her that her parents kept her too sheltered and that is why she parents the ways she does now. I just listened and said things like "wow" or "that must be hard" - things like that.

So after all this we are right back to where we have been. She did have a bit of a meltdown (she acknowledged the menstrual cycle was about to hit - yeah no kidding - I can almost give her the start time!).