It's hard, isn't it? We feel like we need to keep telling them we love them because if we don't, they will forget. We feel the need to keep contacting because if we don't, they won't contact us. It is like a physical heaviness in our hearts, and the pain is physical. The thought of letting go is almost too much to bear. I could not have imagined doing it.
But you can. Letting go does not mean you are letting go of the marriage. You are just letting go of the behavior. You are focusing on healing you, rather than healing the M. You have to be able to heal yourself, and focus on you before you can focus on the M.
This is why we need to stop calling. When you call, you can say you have changed, but all he is seeing is that nothing has changed. Words and actions are two different things,.
Don't beat yourself up. I have done this so many times I don't even want to count. But I haven't done it for the last six weeks, and the difference is amazing. I don't hear from H every day anymore, but when we do talk, or I do see him, he is genuinely happy to hear from me. I think sometimes he is just taking a step back to see if the changes are real, or if I am just trying to pretend.
You can do this. At least your H has told you he still loves you. Yes, right now, he may see himself without you. But those are just words, and feelings CAN and DO change.
Not only are you making yourself a better person in your H's eyes by DBing, but you WILL feel better. I still miss my H terribly as well, but at the same time, I also feel more secure in myself than I have in a long time. And trust me, it does show to our H's. I have had friends and family comment on it as well. But the H's need time to see if it is going to stick.
This is a long process. It does not happen overnight. Just remember that.
Lola
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
