Hope4us struggle, part 7

[Dr LOve]

H4,

I don't know what happened I was reading your post (I think) and was doing some quotes for ya and then I lost it.
So if this does not sound familiar that is why..

I hear what you're saying WDID. I just have such a hard time when she acts so indifferent about the affair, like she didn't do anything wrong and it's no big deal and won't take any responsibility for any of this. Like she's justified in what she's done.

Hope4

YES YES YES,

this is where My W was and still is a little.BUT she has seen how much it hurt me, And I think she is not proud of what she did. AS HARD AS I IS ya need to put the arrair aside for a while.

I've said this before and probably will again. I take credit for my portion of where our marriage was that let this happen.

Great, Me too BUT ya know yes your wife did have an affair and yes they say it's 50/50 Wife and OM but your wife may have been in a vulnerable state. I have heard so many stories lately that the woman felt so bad and thought so little about herself. it did not take much for some A.H guy to push the right buttons.

But I refuse to take credit for her affair. And until she can wrap her mind around that, we'll NEVER get anywhere.

Hope, You need to work on you, the "we" will happen. watching the chages in my wife have been like watching a baby chick hatch. it starts with a little crack. then slowly a small hole apears. soon more cracks but it is hard work breacking out of a shell that has been around for so long. sometimes the "chick" needs to rest.

I understand love is a decision. She doesn't. She watches crap on T.V. and reads books that all have this magical, there's one person in the world for everyone and she just thinks because OM made her squishy, then she can't possibly love me. She thinks love is either there or it's not. And how can I complete with that?

Ok Hope4, here you are talking about MY WIFE, or at least is sounded like her Luckly in a few weeks we will have a session about this discused in Retro.

I'm going to give her time. Til Oct. And yes, it would be easier to leave. But I've been at this for over a year now since I first suspected what was going on and I'm exhausted. And S16 is really having a hard time of it too, but W either doesnt' see it or refuses to see it. So how much longer can I/should I put up with it?

Hope4,
I was rehursing the "I think we should get divorced" speach. I had already checked out living arraingments and was ready to sell my / our house at a loss. I mean on the ride to Retro I was still doing this. I figured by that night it would be over. BUt I was wrong.

Don't get me wrong. We're making progress. At least I think we are. But without her doing/saying anything that gives me hope, I'm just not sure how much more I'm willing to invest in a relationship that is/has been always so one sided.

The day we went to Retro Wife and I may have said 5 words to each other. by that night we cried together. We still have issues we need to work on.
We STILL have not had sex (16 months). I was on the very edge of leaving. IF THERE IS ANY WAY...

Go to Retro. send her a link, let her check it out. COMUNNICATION is what it's about. It works if you play by the rules. that is the hard part. Ok getting your spouse there is the real hard part.
reading you post brings back memories of mine.

take care
Dr LOve

take care