Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

Bill, you are right. It feels so good to do the right thing, but G damn that was hard. I didn't expect everything, or anything for that matter, to be easy.

The fear I have comes from anger, and vice versa. There is no reason why she needs to care about things being awkward because these are nothing more than friends. She simply doesn't want anything to do with awkwardness, or work at this point. That much was obvious by her vehemet denial to do something uncomfortable and open up to me and meet me halfway.

The difference now is that I am in the process of dropping it and letting it be. She doesn't want to make the stand and actually D me, and yet she doesn't want to put forth an effort because she feels I am causing all of the problems. Fine, let her think that way.

She'll have nothing else to blame when I don't respond the way she's expected me to. She won't have anywhere else to turn but on herself when I am happy for myself and doing things for myself and have left HER behind. She'll have guilt only for herself when I am happy to try to include her in my friends and other life (if I so choose).