As for the "healing," I disagree. I think the very nature of WAWs is they "stuff" their feelings....... She wanted "out of M" for five years.... I do not buy that..... My WAW said she wanted out for three..... Why didn't they tell their H's about their issues?
WOW Scooter,
I have to say that with this new set of facts you are dealing with whole different scenario. I so agree with NMD. I would be very cautious and very curious.
Scooter: I would NEVER date a WA spouse no matter what she told you. I have absolutely NO USE for anyone who would do that to the partner they committed to, someone they could lie to and cheat on. If I were you I'd run run as fast as I can. I would be looking elsewhere for someone new.
As for the financial stuff - I think you have some great advice here. There is also a lot of "off on a tangent" stuff that is what is confusing you. I don't think this thread is about alimony and who is entitled etc. Open up a new category if you want to talk about that.
I am in a LTR - over 4 years. I took my hits from the M, luckily I did not have to pay him but we took a split where he only has to pay 1/3 of the kids expenses. Sucky - YES! I did not ask for this split. I had to rethink a few things and racked up some debt for sure.
Josh makes more $ than me, though we always split the cost of everything quite equally. I have noticed myself complaining about finances a bit lately. I've been hit with some unexpected extras that are quite costly (like a $10,000 retaining wall collapsing onto the cottage). I am not working this summer as well. I am not complaining to him because I expect him to bail me out - I am complaining because it sucks sometimes and I'm just saying it out loud. So that's my point - she might not be saying it for you to pick up the ball and run with it.
I liked the comment that if you have more and want to go out - paying the babysitter might be a nice gesture. This past w/e we went out for dinner and a movie. The next day we decided to go golfing (his suggestion). Knowing things were tight - he offered to treat. That made it much more enjoyable since golf is not really my thing any way. I was prepared to pay my own way but would have made other cutbacks this week.
So, that's one way of looking at it. The WAW thing is bothersome, though.
I would bet most of us here would agree w/ Barb. WA? ouch. That was my #1 no no when I was dating ( second was nascar fans lol) Apart from the 3 A's I would run for the hills. You seem like a smart, thoughtful,nice man, no problem getting dates I bet.
Just be careful, you know how painful break ups are.
Good Luck!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Has your "friend" shared why she left her M? take care, AG
Here is the list of reasons that I have compiled over the last 6 months.
* Her xH was emotionally abusive * Her xH didn't treat her like she deserved to be treated * Her xH didn't like her family (parents, sisters etc) * Her xH was sick too often including a bout of lymphoma * Her xH yearned a simple life * Her xH once downsized from his corporate career, struggled since to find stable employment and the illness didn't help * She & xH were just "too different" * She & xH had nothing in common
....That's the list
Originally Posted By: KarenMarieS
You seem like a smart, thoughtful,nice man, no problem getting dates I bet.
Thank you for your kind words but really I hate the dating scene and giving up on it worked fine for a while. But after a couple of years, I got lonely and realized that I didn't want to be alone but then again, don't want to be posting in Newcomers either.
Here is the list of reasons that I have compiled over the last 6 months.
* Her xH was emotionally abusive * Her xH didn't treat her like she deserved to be treated * Her xH didn't like her family (parents, sisters etc) * Her xH was sick too often including a bout of lymphoma * Her xH yearned a simple life * Her xH once downsized from his corporate career, struggled since to find stable employment and the illness didn't help * She & xH were just "too different" * She & xH had nothing in common
....That's the list ----------------------------------
Yikes!
"...for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health..."
