Hope4us struggle, part 7

[Hope4us]

I agree COMPLETELY with what you've said Pup. I really feel that she feels like she's stuck in a place where she doesn't want to take the chance on opening up to me because she feels like I'll beat her over the head repeatedly with the affair/OM. That's why Monday night while we were talking about the deposition I just told her the things I knew about OM without any kind of judgemental tone in my voice. It was more like a "I know you don't want to hear this and might not believe it" kind of conversation. I guess I figured that was what the TM's to the EGF were all about. W found out that OM was lying to her at least the last 4 months of their "relationship" and it hurt so she had to vent to the EGF.

I also now see it as her coming to grips with OM using her and she just doesn't know how to get past THAT. For her to admit to me that she F'd up and now she realizes OM was using her would be to admit that she's possibly thrown away everything we have together, FOR NOTHING. And that's got to be a hard thing to deal with.

When she came home last night she came out on the deck where I was sitting and just stood there for a few minutes. It was almost like she wanted to say something, but couldn't bring herself to. And later she came out to smoke and I got the impression that she again wanted to say something but couldn't bring herself to. Maybe I should have said something, but I really think it would have been a mistake. She has to be the one to break the ice if she ever wants us to have a chance. Of course, this morning with my email I'm trying to give her the opportunity to break that ice so we'll see how that goes.

I think Retro would be FANTASTIC. There's one in our area at the beginning of Sept. I'm going to see if she replies to my email and see how the next few days go and bring it up again to her to see if she'll go. Maybe frame it in a way that says, I'm not too hopeful that our marriage can make it if we keep going the way we are, but why not take a chance on Retro?

I also totally agree with your take on the occasional contact with OM. Maybe after my telling her how he was lying to her back last fall about "making her happy forever" that she's truly working on complete NC now? And that's why she's not as engaging because she's dealing with that?

If she would just Freakin talk to me!

She's in a meeting for another hour or so, so I know she hasn't read the email yet. I'll let everyone know if I get a response when she gets out of the meeting.