Last night I had a major backslide. My W and I are still living together due to our financial sitch at the moment. I have read DB and have been trying to apply the principles, but last night I kinda lost my cool.
She was out with OM until about 1 AM and when she came home I kinda lost control of my mouth. Up until now I have not even acknowledged that OM existed, but last last night I confronted her on the subject.
I didn't yell or use any profanity (I wanted to), but I did say somethings she didn't want to hear.
I told her that this is "Infidelity" and that she was having an "affair" no matter how she tries to sugarcoat things. I also told her that while the problems in the marriage were mostly due to me, I am not going to take responsibilty for her cheating. I am not gonna blame myself anymore. I also tried to "lay down the law" and told her to stop seeing him. Her response was "But, I love him". She has only known this guy for 3 months. I know this because I introduced them. I previously worked with OM in a band situation. I also gave her a letter I had written back when all this started. I really wish I hadn't.
Now this morning she was very very cool to me as we got ready for work. My question is what to do now. Do I just fall back to the DB techniques? Do I say something about the conversation? Do I pretend it never happened?
She says "I am her best friend in the world" but she just doesn't want to be married to me anymore (19 years - I am 40 , she is 39). She used the classic ILYBNILWY. I can see the pain in her eyes when she talks about this. But the selfish part inside me doesn't care , although I am trying my best not to show it.
She has not filed for seperation yet and when I asked her why not she says "I don't know". I am just laying low for now. Any advice would be helpful at this point.
