random Dommage

[HSSweetheart]

Hi. I feel your pain. I agree, companionship is most important, but all so elusive as well. I am going through personal challenges myself, been on this site on & off for 3 yrs now. My H left for 3 months 3 yrs ago. Then returned in the fall. Recently he left in Oct and said he was done. I have had my struggles with acceptance of that. I have tried to be civil and done anything to make D as painless as possible. But it is the hardest thing I have ever been asked to do. Just found out recently about someone H is hanging with. Picked up the kids and she was there. I boldly introduced myself. H has never mentioned her EVER, just heard from the kids. Now it seems I pick them up and she is there. Do I have to be subject to this? Not that I don't expect it to happen at some point but 9 months into this and in my face? How much pain is a person supposed to take? All I ask is that it is not in my face. I told H tonite via voicemail, which I know in my head was probably wrong, do me a favor and if you are not alone then please have the courtes/decency to let me know and I will pick up the kids around the corner. I just have been having the hardest time and basically I would rather have what I don't know don't hurt me. So to speak. So at this point I think I am going to go dark. The less contact I have the less I am hurt. H keeps telling me I will be served anytime now. I said I want it sooner rather than later as I want this pain over.

I don't know if bars are your answer. I know many go there but I am not a fan and never have been. I don't want to give you any of the common cliche's that I have gotten as they serve to do nothing but annoy. You cannot just be told to get over them and tadaa you are over them. Not sure what people think they are helping with that. Don't know if you have kids, I have d8, s12 who are caught in this. That is what bothers me the most. And in my state I have no rights apparently. H can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants and have them sleeping with my kids in a tent in the yard and I can do NOTHING to stop it. NOTHING. As a parent with morales that is beyond frustrating. And in order not to majorly F up your kids you cannot discuss most anything with them. I agree with you, hatethishatethishatethis with a passion.

As you can see I am up too, Can't sleep can't eat. Back to stage one. 2 steps forward 3 back.