Left the Rollercoaster - Now what???

[No Longer BH]

Cat, thanks for the heads up on mediation. The one thing I think STBX is going to fight me on when it comes to child custody is that he wants to put in the decree that I am unable to move out of state as long as S is living with me. My S is only 8 and I do not know what my future holds so do not want to be limited in this way. I would never take S away from his dad intentionally, but what if I remarry and new H gets a transfer? I will not agree to those terms.

I also think he is going to fight me on indefinate maintenance. But I am strong and will stand my ground. We will just see if things turn into a battle or not.

Had to attend the manditory parenting after divorce class today. It made me so sad. The interviews with the kids broke my heart. Why cant STBXH see what it is that he is doing to his S as well? Why would he inflict this kind of pain onto his child just so he can behave selfishly (and yes, he has even admitted that he knows he is being selfish but its ok because he is just trying to find himself). The class made me hate the fact that I am gong to be D even more.

I met with my the child counselor my S will be seeing soon today to talk about what my S is going through. I did not try and paint an ugly picture of STBXH at all, just kept to the facts. It was funny, the IC picked up immediately on what was happening with STBXH. He said you aren't in this business for as long as I have been without learning to see who people really are. He said that my son should not have to be going through this at all. That if STBXH would have just faced his problems the right way we all could have come out as the happy family. Unfortunately that is not the journey he chose to take and we are the ones suffering for it.

Just wanted to rant about my day today. God, I really hope this gets easier. The last couple of days have been sad ones. Days in which I wished he would see the light and come back. I have been told by my IC not to count on it. He is creating a new reality for himself to justify the ending of our M. His ego could not take it if he made the wrong choice so he will continue to work at proving to himself that he is making the right choice. So sad, so very sad. I'm just trying to detach, do NC (which I still suck at) and act as if......plus I am slowly GAL as well. That always helps.

Thanks for the support.