Blaming SAHMs for not having career success while being thrust into it at midlife is the same as blaming the victim of a crime. I for one have done the best I possibly could have done with my life and circumstances. I fully expected to be making a decent salary at this point, but it is not happening.
As I am re-connecting with my Indian heritage, my Indian values are resonating in my posts. As I posted to FLTC, the values associated with my heritage have no place on this BB. Part of why I am leaving the BB. I have decided that socializing with people of my own heritage is a better fit for me.
That whole integrated AG was much nicer wasn't it? Well - after I am gone - you will have a nice BB with very nice uniform Western values again.
Since I am getting a little tired of blending in - how about I thrust the entire history of my Indian family right at you.
My mother had 9 brothers and sisters. All of them were required to earn at least a masters before they got M in a field that enabled them to earn a living. Most of them have Ph.D's. I think two of them are Fulbright scholars. This is a group generation that ranges in age from 65-85. Most of them came here and went to Ivy Leagues schools here. Education is everything. We save money for education first - everything else is a lesser priority. And they achieved this in British India - colonial rule does make things a little more difficult.
I know the West looks down on and mocks our system of arranged M's. However - it works for many in my culture. All of the men M women with the education and ability to earn a living that can sustain a family before they got M. My uncle wanted to M someone that would be a stay at home wife - not some woman that would go to school and challenge him too much. My grandmother told him - he would have to find his own W if those were his standards. My mother slacked off while working on her Masters - my grandfather pulled her aside and told her that if she thought he would arrange her M so she could get out of finishing her degree - it was not going to happen.
My generation - 18 cousins on my mother's side - all of us have a minimum of a masters. Many of us are at least engineers - that includes 3 women. All the men in our family M women that are professionals and have the ability to earn a living on par with their H's.
My father grew up in Bangladesh and his family lost everything during the British partion of India. He had 8 siblings. That interfered with the education thing b/c they left everything behind as they ran for their lives. My father - could probably write a book about the lengths he went to come to this country to get an education. He has a Ph.d in civil engineering.
My father paid for every single one of my cousins on my father's side of the family to go to college in India. I have 18 paternal first cousins - yes very symmetrical. They all have a minimum of a masters - both men and women b/c once again we are required to go to school for an eduction to learn something that we can use to earn a living. All of them are M to P's with comparable income capacity.
When I was growing up - I was not allowed to date. We were never out of the house past 6 pm - yes that is right 6 pm until I left for college. I was not required to do chores. The only thing my family demanded of me was excelling in school. I started staying up nights to study for finals when I was 13. I partied and had fun - did the whole Western drinking and sex thing - but I never ever lost sight of my primary goal.
As for me - I fully intend to carry on my family's tradition. My priority post D was not finding an R. It was financially stabilizing myself. Once again - that would be an Indian thing...
And while in our social gatherings - we do not go on endlessly about boobs and nuts. If you ever decide to go to India - you will see huge billboards everywhere promoting safe sex through condom use.
I will reserve these conversations for folks of my own heritage.
Thank you for your post. It validated my decision to limit my non-Indian social circle to overachievers only.
