OK< This is NOT about who is separated, divorced or whatever. This is about being the "Other Woman" or "Other Man" in a deceitful, illicit relationship. Most of the people here on this bb were cheated on. That meant that there was another person who involved themselves in our marriage. They either seduced our spouse or fell into the "I'm not happy and plan to leave" scenario. But if they had not availed themselves - it is not likely we would be where we are today.
So - if the Perfect man or Perfect woman just happened to be married - would you do it???
I would not EVER consider dating a married man. I would make VERY sure that a man was not married before I would ever go out with him, flirt with him etc. I cannot fathom how people can justify their behaviour. But justify it they do.
Why am I asking this question that seems so obvious here on this bb????
A longtime friend whom I met on DB has been lusting after a married man for years. It keeps her from moving forward in a "REAL" R. She knew this person when she was married. Shortly after her H left her for OW, this man also left his wife. While separated, they went out a couple of times for drinks. She fell hard for him. Then he called it off. He went back to his wife and worked things out. He never told her this but she heard.
She continued to send occasional texts to him. Over a year later, after some very suggestive emails she sent him, he agreed to meet up. And she got a room. She kept it up and he met her again. And it was great for her. But he went home to his wife. I could not begin to understand her behaviour. I let her know how strongly I felt about it. How I put myself in the place of the wife and she should be doing that as well. He began to distance himself again. She did not stop pining over him.
After a while she began to date someone else she knew. He had just got divorced. He adored her. I thought he was very nice to her. She could not give 100% because she could not give up the fantasy. After 2 years, he dumped her. Although he never knew her heart was elsewhere - I'm sure he sensed it.
6 months later...
She tells me she has been texting the married guy again. And they were going to meet tonight for drinks. I asked if he is still with his wife. She said it wasn't mentioned. I asked her how she can do it. Her response "All my life I did everything I was supposed to do and did it for others. Look where it got me. Now I want to do what I want to do". OK, is THAT how they justify it? Hmmmm.... sounds like my ex.
Interestingly, the BF who dumped her 6 months ago is back in the picture too. She says he is on "probation" since he dumped her. So she is going to try to balance them both.
I cannot begin to understand this logic.
All the time I was in DB we were told to focus on the behaviour of our WAS, not on OP. But if OP were not in the picture, I'm going to bet that 75% of the marriages on this bb, especially in MLC would not have ended.
