wishing I didn't care that my parent were divorced...wishing I didn't have such disgust for dads ow that I will never meet her...wishing dad would finally get it and never ask me again if it's ok if she's at a place I'm going. maybe he'll get it this time. I'm tired of it all...tired of hearing his stupid explentation...gee who the hell actually sets out to have an a...they all "just happen" don't they...they are all "innocent" aren't they..oh bite me...matters not that dad wasn't the one to ask for the d..of course he would have stayed married to my mother...but he wouldn't have given up his skank.
I hate being the child of divorce...sometimes I wonder though...if I didn't hate it so much....maybe I myself would be divorced.
I don't get the whole "you just don't understand" crap when it comes to affairs...YES I DO understand...you made a BAD decision and got yourself involved in something you shouldn't have...of course we all have the ability to have "feelings" for many different people...thus the line in marriage vows FORSAKING ALL OTHERS...if we weren't naturally wired to be attracted to more than one person there would be no need for that vow..it is there for protection..to protect people from their own stupidity..gee if you are attracted to another and you spend more time with them because you are attracted to them dya not think something is going to happen..and even if nothing happens dya not think it's going to have a negative impact on the r you have with your spouse?
grrrrrrrrr!!!
it really isn't all that difficult to avoid having an affair...simply pay attention to yourself and use good judgement.
honestly I think life would be a lot easier if one of my parents died rather than divorced.
oh ya and btw...I still haven't forgiven h for everything...I forgive his stupidity in getting involved with ow..I forgive his leaving...I forgive his asking for d...but what I can't forgive yet is the way I felt after dd was born. and was reminded of it this am by a pic mil left out of h holding dd at about 5 days old.
h and I used to take a two week vacation in august....knowing that...we planned to have dd in august so that he could be around to help with son. h planned to go into work in am to get the employees started and be home by 10 am...h did no such thing...h went to work each day and worked all day leaving me home alone with the two. also the very night that h brought me and dd home from the hospital he went back down to work to do some paperwork. I did nothing but cry for the first months of dd's life...it was hell...then when she was 3 months old I discovered ow. I'm sad just thinking about it so I should stop. it really hurts though. when son was born h was by my side as much as possible...brought me roses and cards...called me all the time...when dd was born...nothing. can't get that time back I guess..but it is painful to be reminded everytime I look at pics of her as a baby how I felt then and what happend after. can't put away her pics...can't throw them away...I guess I just want to know that h is sorry for that.
I shouldn't have talked to my father today...it has upset me...I've let him know to NEVER EVER AGAIN ASK ME IF IT IS OK IF SHE IS AROUND ME! maybe he'll get it.
DIL is taking a class in Grief for her master's program . She recommended the following book:
The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman. It's about all kinds of losses. I have read most of it and found it helpful. It may help with parents D.
Let me know if you get it, they suggest partners. Maybe you'd be interested.
dealing with death would be a lot easier than dealing with parents d..if dad were dead that would be why he weren't here....it's easier to move on from...knowing the complications of why he's not...dealing with holidays and should I invite him because I want him here but know that I would have to deal with mothers feelings and crap my own feelings of "pretending" it just sucks...plus then there's the fact that I tolerate moms bf...gee he didn't have anything to do with the d infact she didn't even meet him til long after the d...dad can't understand why I wont have anything to do with his gf...and infact am disgusted just by the mention of her name.
I hate seeing h's parents together (as crappy as their m is) I hate that they come as a unit (well most of the time) I hate that they are more available...I hate that my parents were crappy parents (oh what? how could LL be the person she is if she had crappy parents? because I watched and learned from the mistakes they made but had no guide)
I guess I should just get over it...what would be really nice would be to just take my h and kids and go live far far away...far away from his family and mine...to simply enjoy OUR family instead without the complications.
I have seen D in my family and I can understand how you feel. Yes, sometimes death is easier. I've thought that many times.
I do think this book may help you. It's for all kinds of grief.
One day you will come to terms with your feelings. But don't compromise yourself and your values to make someone else feel better. If nothing else your Dad has to respect you and your values.
You are a good woman. You don't need to leave to enjoy your family.
Quote: wishing I didn't care that my parent were divorced.
I hate being the child of divorce...sometimes I wonder though...if I didn't hate it so much....maybe I myself would be divorced.
I know where you're coming from. It's not something you ever really get over and it's something you have to contend with all your life. Where do you spend the holidays? If you invite them both over will they be civil to one another? How will new(er) W or new H feel? It's ridiculous.
Quote: I still haven't forgiven h for everything...
I also know what you mean here too...although I think it's different for everyone. For me, my W was fully engaged in her A during our 10-year anniversary. To me it seemed a rather monumental event, but she couldn't care less and said, "it's just another year." I think about all the things we did together during the year she was having the A and how hollow, empty, and painful those events are now to me. So, I can imagine how you felt about your infant DD...and I'm sorry... (((LL)))
Perhaps try to remember that your father's decision was his alone and he has to bear the consequences of those actions. Whether you approve or not, it is what it is. I don't mean to reduce it to a cliche', but it's his to live with. I understand your anger, but is it your right to tell him, "NEVER EVER AGAIN ASK ME IF IT IS OK IF SHE IS AROUND ME?" Sometimes, in order to have some good, we have to take the bad along with it. If your dad chooses to be with OW and you choose to spend time with your dad, then what can you do...really? It doesn't mean you have to agree with his "weak" decision, but there will come a day where you are going to have to deal with this too...
Again, I am not coming from ignorance here. My dad essentially did the same thing, but there was also alcoholism involved. He's now on his third M. It sucks...I know...and I'm sorry you're having a bad day.
Quote: It doesn't mean you have to agree with his "weak" decision, but there will come a day where you are going to have to deal with this too...
my dad is my dad and I will see him when I see him, I know I have to accept that my parents aren't together anymore. I don't however have to accept his girlfriend with him. I do have every right to ask that he not ask me to be around her the other alternative would be for him to keep asking (doesn't happen often) and keep pissing me off. I do not want anything to do with her. it is bad enough that I must tolerate his poor decisions and accept him for him...I will not accept this woman in my life nor will I bring her into my childrens lives...he hasn't married her and will not (actually during my parents settlement he was asked what if he remarried...his response was that the only woman he would marry would be my mother. huh???!!) he does not live with her and will not..so then why should I accept her into my life...she should accept that he has a family and not all of them will accept her...is what you must deal with when you knowingly continue an a with a married man.
regarding your thoughts on your 10 anniversary...sorry it was a bummy one..but at least you will have more...I celebrated (or rather didn't celebrate) our 5th anniversary home alone while h was at his apartment possibly still getting a d. there will be many more anniversaries or wont be...but I will have no more dd's to bring home from the hospital.
self pity I know...I'm entitled though aren't I?
I'll be ok.
rescue training at the lake tonight with the ambulance complany.
got a 92 on my quiz last night.
h called at 9 this morning (I like when he calls early)
I'm just sad but I know I'll be ok. got spoiled with h being around so much over the weekend...maybe we'll do something nice this sunday as a family.
Quote: You can use my place at the Cape if you'd like to get away with family!
you are awesome dotto!! I know that I've heard h refer to not liking the cape...I don't remember ever going myself though...maybe he went as a child with his family and that's why he doesn't like it.
I'll talk to him about it (he knows who you are) thanks for the offer.
we're last minute people (well h is anyway and since the getaway was his idea it's last minute) thus the trouble finding a place. right now we're thinking of july 25th - 28th.
I think about all the things we did together during the year she was having the A and how hollow, empty, and painful those events are now to me. So, I can imagine how you felt about your infant DD...and I'm sorry... (((LL)))