I've reclaimed a few places (some H knows about, some he doesn't), but there are a few places I cannot go back to. And yes, never say never!
Quote:
How long does it take before you can look at WAS and think, nope, dont really want them anymore?
Whoops. I'll let you know when that happens to me. lol I'm still not there. But I guess the difference is that I am confident I don't want him when he doesn't want me, and I am confident that I'll be okay without him. That has to be enough for me. Maybe I'll catch up with the rest some day.
Its ok that you aren't 'there' yet either, my friend. Totally ok. Like you said, you are laughing again. And whether you know it or not, you are stronger, and if he did want to come back, you know what you want, and would be able to fix things and make the marriage so much better. I just hope your H realizes this!
Thanks for the reply. The only progress I have gotten from H is he apologised for the first time to me for having an A. Up until this point he has always stated that he had no regrets about it. Yesterday he said he knew it was not the right thing to do, it just made everything more complicated. At least I got that.
Doubt if he will ever realize that we coul dfix the M and make things better. He has never given me any indication of wanting R from the moment he moved out. But who knows what tomorrow will bring, didnt think I would ever get an apology either.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Just checking on you. I have always been amazed how strong and resilient you have been (and still are) through all this. You've been a great example for me. I think my sitch would be simpler right now if I were able to follow your example better. Stay strong.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Not all the time, gForce, I promise you....see below example...
Journaling:
Woke up to H making pancakes and eggs for the girls. He made me a plate as well when I sat down (he kept sending the girls up "Get your Mommy so she can eat too..."). A nice morning. Then, he noticed the pool didn't get covered last night (awful storms, leaves, debris) and got really upset. Compained about the babysitter (Um, H, you were home AFTER the sitter, you could have covered it as well), then found a few other things to complain out. Turned downright rude. As usual, never ever notices things I do right, always finds the one thing I don't do 'right' in his eyes...
I got ready, kissed the girls and went and ran errands, drove around, talked on the phone (and texted...HI SALLYM!). Came back, gave H space (he should give ME space, its almost my house, but that's a complaint for another day!) and then went to work.
I told him that he will not be rude to me like that. He can vent his complaints about the sitter to me, but NOT when the girls are around. I told him that we are at a respectful point, and I don't know what 'turned' him this morning (maybe 'happy family breakfast'? Still not sure...), but I didn't like it. I got a lame "I'm sorry", he sooo didn't mean it, but whatever. I had my say.
It'll blow over. But I told SallyM, no WAY am I giving up one of the few perks of this D, not having to deal with H's bad moods....I'll call him on it.
Of course its your fault, they take no responsibilty at all for anything, this is one of there problems. Im glad you called him on it, he shouldn't talk to you like that married or not, you don't deserve any of that.
He needs to give you all the space you need at this point, he made his bed, now he needs to lie in it.. I mean away in it.
Soon this won't be your problem it will be someone else's, and that part you can find relief in.
(((hugs)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Soon this won't be your problem it will be someone else's, and that part you can find relief in.
We are back to him practically living at the house again. Did I mention that?? He has nowhere to go (his dad will NOT turn the A/C on, seriously like 90+ degrees at his dad's). I know if I would give him 'tude about it, I would get the 'my house too' comment. I have told him a few rules he needs to live by if he is going to stay a few nights here and there: phone on vibrate, not coming to the house after he goes to bars, and sharing the housework (which he always has done, and then some).
I need space.
He needs a down payment for a place.
That is why I am rushing the refi of the house. It'll be in my name before the D.
wow, I must have missed that!!! Crap, that is all you need right now. Thank goodness your refi is going through.. I would hound them until it does, for your own sanity!
How is his work situation going?
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Yes, you really do need your space from H as long as he is continuing on his path to self-destruction. Your DD's need to be insulated from his lack of discretion as well, especially drinking to excess.
You are a remarkable person, and you really have your head on straight.
I was really starting to enjoy H *not* living there. I went from tears when I heard him leave (when he finally agreed to move out) to a sigh of relief when he left. Now I am frustrated again, don't have enough space from him. Normally, he is very nice and respectful, but I still need more room.
And...
...he can't have everything. He can't have me, living with him, the girls all the time, and his 'other' life, out there, without us.
Just read through this thread...I am envious of your strength. Wish I could have held on while x was still in the house, but sleeping downstairs. It was a nightmare! And I simply could not keep my mouth shut, could not act like he wasn't my h anymore, just a roommate.
Anyway, this is just an indication of your strength. Bet you knew that already, though
