Hi Chris \:\) First time reading your thread. From a comment you made, I think we live in the same metro area. A couple of thoughts. It's really nice to work with a C that understands DB. So, when I told our C that I was going dark/lrt, she understood what I was talking about and my explanation of why was a lot shorter.

I had a thought about your H and your sitch. This is a bit long, but, I hope it helps.

I'm going to use a violent encounter as a metaphor. Violence doesn't just happen. There is an escalation phase. In order to defuse a violent encounter, the energy and emotion that were part of the escalation have to be bled away slowly. Thus, there is a de-escalation phase. Your H didn't just wake up one morning feeling like the only thing that he could do was get a D. There was an escalation phase. But, here is the important part. He didn't file for D. This is like the two drunks in the bar who decide not to swing on each other. Now comes the de-escalation phase. You and your H are in the de-escalation phase. The rules in interpersonal violent encounters are that you need to give the other person a face-saving exit and you cannot pressure them to back down. It's the same with DB/DR. We don't push for them to admit that they were wrong and we let things de-escalate at their own pace.

As I was reading your thread, I wanted to stand up and cheer as it seems that things are really going well.

As for his not feeling anything, is it possible that this is also hindered by his profession? Doesn't it seem likely that to survive the horrors of his work, that at some level he must dampen and suppress his emotions?


These are just some thoughts that I had. In either case, I'm excited for you and hopeful for you. It really does seem that good things are possible and with a little patience and a lot of prayer, you will have to move forums.

Dan

M-40 W-41
D12 S8 D5
T-18yr M-14y
Sep 4/12/08
rocky
gasp
confrontation
current