Oldtimers: Return or not..what finally happened?

[peacetoday]

Hi
Well last night- H served me
I asked him to many weeks ago, but thought he wouldnt do it
I still believed my old H was still in there
and he still loved me
now
I only see this shutdown man
he looks as if he is ok with it
why is he ok--he feels nothing---
while I have had nothing but extreme pain today and last night
I am on my way to D land
this is my last bit of holding on here comes the rest of the grief
I guess I needed this part to really let go as fig said
cant hold on and let go at same time
I gave it all I had
I sensed it was over
I am very sad
to get those papers
like a knife and the things he asked for so uncaring
a cold and caulous man
peace