I'm so sorry, and wish I could give you a great BIG hug right now, cuz i'm pretty damned good at them. I had a few anxiety attacks in my sitch, too, and they're frightening and leave you WRUNG OUT.
All I can tell you is, don't look to your MC for your "approval." And don't look to your husband. Look to GOD, and God alone.
You were not created to please either your husband, your MC, or any other man or woman. Yes, it would have been nice to have been "justified" by the MC, and your husband belitted, but try to remember to Whom you are accountable.
Because I can assure you, HE is not pleased with your husband's infidelity, and there WILL be a reckoning for it. It's just not your battle right now.
So in that vein, YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS. You call an "affair" an affair, because that's exactly what it is, and you don't lie to your daughter and you don't lie to anyone else, either. "This is your mess; YOU get to clean it up" is your mantra. "I will no longer lie to cover up your affair."
YOU need to get over it??? No, I'm sorry -- your husband doesn't get to decide what you "get over" and what you continue to hold him accountable for. He can delude himself in that counselor's office, before the marriage counselor, and he can even do it before his friends and family. But he can't do it before God, and someday his daughter will know exactly what he did as well.
Your husband, too, will crash one day, when he realizes what he's done. And it won't be pretty.
