Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

Gosh Iamlost, I sure hope you are right. I think you hit alot of things on the head. I think he KNOWS how hurt I am, how much I love him, how much I'm trying and I can see him running to get it done to try to "save" me, rather than lead me on. I think too if I show more confidence, and PMA and GAL my butt off it will help. The times I've done well with it it has.

So yesterday after I posted before, H comes upstairs and lays on the bed while I was up here on the computer.

He asked how my session was and how I liked the guy. I probably told him WAY too much. I'm way too honest. Told him I wished we had gone to this guy first, that it really felt like a great fit etc. Anyway, I could tell he withdrew a bit when I mentioned the guy said our sitch was quite normal....... anyway, so he looked at me and said... "I am going to file still Chris". To which I said.....(and calmly too)....."well, if you really feel that THAT is the only solution you see, then you will need to do what you feel. I cannot control your actions. You know where I stand". I then said... "I do want to say one thing though. IF there is even a 1% chance that you question something with your decision, I feel like it would make sense to error on the side of caution with any moves you might make". To which he said.. "I agree with that". And I may be wrong, but I do think there is at least a tiny bit of him wondering ,so I'm praying the filing doesn't come, but trying to get in the mindset that if it does, I need to stay my course.

Then of all things, we end up getting into a wrestling match on the bed. Seriously. Like hysterical crud we used to do when we were first dating. I'm not even sure I remember how it started. But I kept going for his ticklish spot, and he did with me too. It carried on for probably 15 minutes until I said "uncle" because i had to wake up d2 from her nap to get the girls to VBS.

Crazy.

I mean, one minute it's D talk, then we are laughing and playing together??? I really don't get it. But all I know is the day ended well, and I"m going with it.

I won't see him today or tomorrow because of VBS, but will probably see him Thursday and Friday. Then I'm keeping the girls Sat., and he agreed to it with no issue because my D6 LOVES Cheetahs and a local museum is having a live cheetah demo thing on Sat., then we have an annual BBQ at a friends house that night. I asked if he minded only having the girls stay over Sunday night and he didn't even flinch which was nice. Especially since he didn't get overnights this past weekend due to his work schedule.

So.... onward, I'm trying.

I did put the invite out there to go our August 1st. It's our 12 year dating anniversary. WE always celebrated that one along with our actual wedding anniversary. I made it all casual. Told him nothing big, just go out to dinner or something. I have a wedding to go to the next day, so I don't want to be out late etc. He said he'd think about it, so we'll see.

Chris