Sending positive vibes to my H!

[TwinDad]

did you and your W talk about the things that need to be betetr in order for this to work before you came back or does that happen gradually?

I think it is kind of depends up on the couple and what you feel you need. In my sitch there hasn't been any "formal" sit-down. I think we talked about things quite a bit prior to the sep without any real resoultion. Now we are kind of like...I know where I have been wrong , she knows where she has been wrong and we are letting our actions speak for themselves... which they have been. I think we have noticed the changes in each other and honestly any tension has pretty much just melted away....it is a very nice feeling

If you do have a talk I would make it more solution oriented, using a lot of "I" statements so as not to put either one on the defensive. You don't want it to turn into a blame game or a chicken and egg type thing.....the past is the past. You two seem to have very open conversations so this may work for you....don't force it though.

I am for the action approach, it might be better to view your H's actions instead of talking about them (of course rewarding good behavior). It sounds like he has started to take ownership for his part, you do the same for your part, and show your ownership through changes. I would uess you both know what got you to where you are now.

if he says he wants to come home i want him back only if he says he will never leave again

Do you really expect to get this.....When you made your M vows weren't they saying the same thing? Even if he says them, he may mean them, but at the end of the day they are just words. Let his actions show.