It's been 36 days, adn it hasn't gotten better yet.
So far, it hasn't. And it gets worse when I get home. And there's no one else there. Even if it were anyone else other than her, I still can't feel right. I've read stuff where people talk about people who are dependent on other..isn't that what marriage is suppsoed to be about??
Yes, you need to detach from it. The pain will take time to go away. I know what you mean. I didn't want to be at work. I didn't want to be at home. I have been there.
No, it's not. Marriage is about WANTING to be with somebody, not NEEDING to be. We shouldn't need our spouses to complete us, to fulfill us. God wants us to be our own cake, and our wives to be our frosting.
What are you doing for YOU? Forget your wife for the moment, what have you been wanting to do, that you have put off?
My biggest dream was music. But it just isn't in me any longer. I went to the funeral of one of our church members today, and her son, who is also a guitar player, kept trying to encourage me to pick the instrument back up. But even if I held it in my hands right now, I couldn't do anything with it.
And I'd rather be out fishing with my grandson...but that's gone for good...
Welcome to divorcebusting.com. I'm glad you found us.
I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Marriage can look differently to different couples, I think we hope to be interdependent, but that doesn't always come into play in the day by day for everyone....because our personalities are different and our rate of growth is different.
Things are always longterm what they seem to be in the short term. When there seems to be no hope that doesn't mean there is no hope.
It might not be realistic for you to detach completely. But it will help you and her if you do your best, at least for awhile. It takes the pressure off her. It lets you flourish and center and get back to your best. Put your sights on God.
Jeremiah 29:12-14 gives us some hope:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
Take heart.
And take care of yourself. It's important because YOU are important. It will also make you more attractive to your wife.
I'm concerned about your pain, and I think you should seek some help today....a minister and/or a doctor.
And Listen to Puppy and Phil. Puppy is one of our leaders on the board and is a success story.
Last edited by sgctxok; 07/22/0807:33 PM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
God commanded you to love her unconditionally. He never said to need her unconditionally.
Just because you became "one flesh" does not mean that you should be DEPENDENT on your wife. You are to LEAD her, and to LOVE her, and she is to help you and to respect you (also unconditionally). But nowhere does it say that you are to be co-dependent with each other.
This could be better answered by your pastor. Have you talked to him?
Thanks, sgctxok. The Bible is the only thing that's provided me the most solid thing to hold on to. I've been reading it every day since, even at night before bed now.
It means what God has made can not be broken. If you were married in his church at his alter the spiritual bond between you two can never be broken. She will always be your wife. I don't think they litteral mean flesh either. It is a soul bonding.
This is generally a Catholic teaching of those versus. But I think it still applies to all faiths. Notice on the later versus it follows the Marcan source. In the beginning there was no divorce, but Moses allowed it because of the hardness of your hearts.
This soul bonding with my wife is the reason I'm here. I know I love her, and nothing is going to change that. Mine is just a little lost right now. I tend to think she went to Iraq or something, and can't get home right now.
