If I'm guessing, the chaplain position is an in-house staff position. Is he ordained though another group?
I would imagine that during the ordination process, the Bishop would inquire about his marital status. The Episcopal Church is not known for it's sound biblical theology, but I imagine they would prevent him from being ordained if they knew he was having an affair.
I was once on the track to ordination and I stopped the process because of my wife's affair. The people in charge felt that though I was not "at fault", it was not wise for me to pursue the ministry with a marriage in crisis. They were right.
I would pay good money just to sit your husband down right now and have a long conversation with him.
---Theoden
Hi, Theo-- Well, H would likely just tell you what a "raving lunatic b*tch" I am and how the failure of the marriage is all my fault. None of this religious stuff is about spirituality for him, it has more to do with leading and teaching and being seen as a really great guy and "being all he can be."
He's not ordained--he has endorsement through the Catholic Church (obviously married folk can't be ordained there) but recently converted to Episcopal in order to pursue priesthood. Eventually I imagine he'll receive endorsement and be ordained there.
I have met the bishop and had several really good conversations with her, the most recent just a couple of weeks before the bomb. I've also talked with his pastor since he left, showed him copies of emails between H and OW. I don't know where things stand with his moving forward. What H told me is that the pastor doesn't see a problem with it; I don't know if that's what he heard or what he wants me to believe (or both), but I cannot imagine that the man would have said that. I know him well; he and his wife and H and I socialized together. Several months before the bomb I met with his discernment group (it's part of the process) and I don't know what they know at this point. I've struggled with contacting the woman I know best and telling her what I know. I've had advice on both sides, and I'm unsure--and when unsure, I think the best choice is to do nothing. It just seems very very bizarre. From what H said in MC this morning, OW is still an EA--altho I have no real way of knowing. Nevertheless, altho he denies it, that EA was a significant factor in at least the timing of the breakup of our marriage--they were acknowledging mutual attraction, fate, and spending the rest of their lives together (that came really really fast) just 2 days before he announced he was done with out marriage--out of the blue. Oh--did I mention that OW practices Wicca? I'm not making this up.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
My sense...talk to his pastor and then the bishop.
It's bigger than you. A minister is a position of public trust. He'll be counseling people.
My story is similar. The OM in my case was my ex-best friend who was a seminary student. I hesitated to blow the whistle on him. Oh, and my wife is into new-age/goddess spirituality.
My sense...talk to his pastor and then the bishop.
It's bigger than you. A minister is a position of public trust. He'll be counseling people.
My story is similar. The OM in my case was my ex-best friend who was a seminary student. I hesitated to blow the whistle on him. Oh, and my wife is into new-age/goddess spirituality.
How's that for parallels?
Wow--amazing parallels!
I have talked at length with his pastor, shared emails with him; he was shocked and supportive. He was very clear that our talk would be a one-shot thing because of the messiness of the relationships involved. He had consulted with his multi-denominational support group of area pastors, they advised this boundary, and I have respected it. I have also talked with his wife, who's a good friend of mine; they have agreed not to discuss our sitch between them, and she's been very supportive. So I think I'm played out there. It would be nearly impossible to get in to see the bishop, practically speaking. And H threatened me if I contacted any of his colleagues. And I'm still dealing with being complicit in his hiding the full truth from his discernment group.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I spoke to a minister who has extensive experience in these areass.
His basic point about your husband "getting off the hook" is to trust God who judges justly. God won't let him off the hook -- even if the sack-less elders in your church do.
For your husband to really repent over this will mean many changes in his life -- not just saying "I'm sorry". Repentance means a change of mind and direction. You'll know when he's really repenting. If he does, the ball is in your court. You may already have moved on and re-married. Who knows? If he's "repenting" just to legitimize his affair in an attempt to "get off the hook", God isn't fooled. Don't worry. He, the OW and the sackless elders will account for their actions on judgement day. God is merciful, but he's also just.
You have acted righteously in this matter, your husband has not.
It most certainly does. Thank you so much for responding to my questions. I have really been struggling with how everything seems perfect in their little world while I'm over here picking up the pieces left behind. I am stuck in a place where everything seems uncertain and not truly able to cut ties yet and move with my life. It just made me start to wonder - where are the consequences for them?
Ok.. and, maybe I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself, too
Sorry to say, I am right there with you. Why should they get everything they want and not even care about what we want. Were they always like this and we are just discovering this now? Just up in the air, signed D agreement today and don't really know how to feel.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Why should they get everything they want and not even care about what we want. Were they always like this and we are just discovering this now? Just up in the air, signed D agreement today and don't really know how to feel.
kat
I've been thinking the same thing: were they always like this or we were looking at them with rose-colored glasses or what? In my case, hard to say but I think my guess would be that H has always been a little that way, selfish, but it has gotten worse in the past year or 2 since the OW and MLC or whatever. Karen
It just made me start to wonder - where are the consequences for them?
LO, there are ALWAYS consequences. I truly believe that. It may not be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...ad nauseum, but you will always reap what you have sown. I always tell my kids that for everything that you put out there, you get it back 10fold. What goes around comes around. Sometimes them getting what they asked for is consequence enough...look at my sitch. LOL. H wanted an OW and got a Troll & a pocket version. Not trying to make lite of your sitch, but everyone has to answer at some time, the question is when.
(((LO)))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Bono, the front man for U2, once said that karma is the law of the universe: what you put in you get out. Your husband and OW will get what's coming to them, so to speak.
But, Bono, added, the only thing in the world that upends and cancels out karma is Grace. If Grace touched your husband's life, it would not give him merely a "get out of jail free card", but rather, a new heart. So I pray grace would touch your husband's heart, which would, then, cause him to truly and deeply repent.
That's rare for me to dish out these days, since I'm so pissed off and angry. Me praying for your husband? Take it as a small miracle. ;-)
Here's an interesting quote by Simone Weil, a French philospher:
Evil, when we are in its power, is not felt as evil, but as a necessity, even a duty.
Kind of explains some of the WAS's behavior, doesn't it?
