Thanks Snodderly....I definately see my H reverting back. You are so right. I guess until he fulfills what he is missing he will be out there....and he sure is out there.
Today he tm'd me asking if I could stop by on my lunch hour so he can give me money for s16 to take with him tomorrow on his trip. I agreed to....since i really need the money for s16 and d13 told me when her dad gave her a few dollars to shop with on sunday he had a huge wad of cash.
Anyway, I knock on the door to his cave (the basement of his parent's house which is so musty...yuck) he answers in tight spandex workout clothes. All sweaty from his workout that he is so obsessed with.
He gave me the money and we sat outside for a few minutes to talk. In one breath he tells me that the restaurant may close because business is bad and he wishes he could give me more but he is short....and in the next breath he tells me he may go away to Atlantic City for the day in August.
I guess I wasn't thinking when he told me but out of my mouth came "I hope you enjoy yourselves." I did not say this intentionally. In fact I really am trying to put MOW out of my mind. His response to me was "don't assume I am going with anyone." Sorry, but he would never go away like this alone. Not on a day he could spend with d13 and he would never spend the money on himself.
The more I thought about what he said the more I truly believe these MLCers can't tell the truth. Honestly, I was not fishing for anything or looking to bust chops, I was more or less stunned because he can tell me he is broke in one breath than tell me he may go away in the next and I just blurted it out. Not mean. Not snide. Just not thinking.
H also told me that he has been having nightmares. He said the one he had last night involved his brother (the one he has not spoken to since this started because his brother told him how stupid he is ...and his brother and s16 are close) and d13. I didn't ask for details.
He did proceed to go into his speal about how he hasn't spoken to his brother and doesn't care if he ever does. I thought in my head that this is how s16 feels about H. Hasn't really spoken to him since he has been gone and doesn't care right now if he does.
H knows that his brother was right. Can't admit how he totally screwed up his life....so it is easier to move on than to repair. Snodderly, that is how I perceive H to feel about our M and family. Can't face what he has screwed up. S16 has shunned him. It is easier to be with MOW than to try to fix this.
I think my H is the worst type of MLCer. For him it is easier to avoid. His broken R with s16 may also add to the quicksand he is stuck in. He just keeps sinking and self medicating and lying.
Anyway, I left him to go back to work. Him in his tight workout clothes....looking like a 44 year old trying to be an 18 year old. Talking about how fat he is, how old he is (that is why he thinks he hasn't found a new bartending gig) and so lost that I don't think he will ever find his way.
Bottom can't be hit soon enough, but with MOW around to cushion the blow I don't think it will for a long time. Too bad. He is missing some great times with awesome kids.
