This is what he is counting on.. that God will forgive him because he has repented by d'ing me and is, therefore, no longer sinning.
Uhhh....divorcing you wife while you are having an affair is NOT repentance. Not in God's eyes.
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But, what you are saying is that the only way to repent is to completely end this R (even after the d is final); and then, only if I say no to reconciliation is he off the hook for the d. Am I interpreting this correctly?
Let me tell you what I do know, and then I'll do some research and get some wise counsel on it.
1. Right now the only way for your husband to repent is to end his relationship with OW and seek to reconcile with you. It's up to you reconcile or not. You have the right (according to the Protestant tradition) to file for divorce on the grounds of adultery.
2. According to Jesus's words if your husband marries the OW he would be commiting adultery. The *state* of his marriage is adultery, since he is really married to you. His marriage to her is a non-marriage -- it's adultery in God's eyes.
3. The question is, "Can he undo the state of his adulterous affair/marriage?" Or can he legitimize his "marriage" to OW in God's eyes?
4. I was guessing before. I'll try to answer question #3 more accurately.
4a. Some would say the only way for your H to be right with God is to end his relationship with OW, no matter what your willingness/unwillingness/availability is. Since you didn't break your marriage covenant he's bound to it for life. (The only way to biblically break the marriage covenant and be free to marry another with proper grounds is in the following three cases: adultery, death, or a non-Christian spouse leaving the marriage). I lean towards this understaning myself.
4b. There's the other issue of the OW being divorced. Jesus says you shouldn't marry an unbiblically divorced person. From what you tell me, she divorced her husband without grounds. She's still bound to her ex-husband in God's eyes. So their relationship is a double-whammy.
4c. If there is any possibility of legitimizing that relationship, it would probably take *both* parties repenting but being unable to return to their former spouses because their former spouses are unwilling to reconcile or have gotten re-married. Of course, wouldn't it be very convenient to have a "change of heart" and repent after your former spouse is re-married in order to legitimize your adulterous affair and call it a marriage.
I'm not 100% sure -- and I'll get you more information.
In general, I don't think scenario 4c is likely to happen. If your husband was concerned about being right with God, he wouldn't be doing this.
And...why do you care? It's God's business if he's off the hook or not. In general, I think your husband and his concubine will choose a church where affairs, divorce and re-marriage are really non-issues. There are plenty of churches that masquerade their moral bankuptcy under the terms "grace", "tolerance" and "open-mindedness".
Oh -- I'll fly to their freakin' "wedding" and I'll register my protest. Dare me to. Go ahead.
