Wow- DB queen! you handled this so well the fact that he is tearing up is clarity that he is confused about this and as we know their confusion is on our favor.
you validated, listened and showed unconditional love with no reactions. you are doing so well!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
This is a big feeling. I'm pretty emotional right now. I feel like a switch went off inside of me.
This is the person I want to be now, forever. I know I'll probably fail at it miserably lots of times, but it just feels so much better to have really MEANT this for once in my life: "I love you, without any expectations." It's like someone opened a window a crack and I realized I'd been living in darkness my whole life. I'm not exaggerating.
The real shock? Acting on that feeling, showing that kind of love to someone else, starts to actually make me feel good about & love myself, something I have struggled with & failed at for SO LONG. And then I feel really, truly OK if he doesn't show me love in return.
It's a positive, self-reinforcing cycle. I totally didn't get that until just now. How stupid of me. And I have no idea why the switch flipped--I guess I just managed to mess up enough I tripped and bellyflopped right into it!
Seriously, this is one of those, what he77 have I been doing all my life moments. I think I'm having a revelation.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Sounds like you are found now....... It takes courage to surrender yourself to that, I am proud of you. Now would be a good time to read up on Real Giving if you haven;t already done so....it is about giving what your spouse needs....not what you would like them to have. Sometimes this can be very difficult...we are here for you for those times. You sound very peaceful and happy with your decision....your H will see that in you....it is very positive.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I am glad that you are in a better place. Your ability to truly give him what he needs makes you extremely strong. It appears in his own small ways he is starting to notice that as well. Keep up the great work and remember to give yourself what you need to that is equally as important.
I hope that you continue to feel good about yourself. I know that is a hard switch to flip for a lot of people, but you are a great person and you deserve to feel that way about yourself.
(((Lost)))
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Do you guys have any suggestions for reading up on Real Giving? I've been trying to get 5 Love Languages at the library, and it's always checked out. Is that the best source, or are there others?
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
I found that 5 Languages of Love was a good book, but it made me want to run out and implement things. It’s really more for couples working together, but still a lot of good stuff. Hopefully others have some good ideas, I would like something like that as well. Hope you have a good day :o)
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
the fact that he is tearing up is clarity that he is confused about this and as we know their confusion is on our favor.