Another new topic! already? Here we go

[Aud31]

I don't really know what processing the anger means.

I think that's something you need to figure out. Do you just need time to get over it? Do you need to express it and let it go? (Write a letter/burn it/bury a literal hatchet?) Again, IC may be able to help you explore the idea. FWIW, I think it goes back to the forgiveness idea--anger will pop up again and again, but it becomes easier to manage if you are consciously choosing to let it go. I think the same goes for the pain--embrace it, feel it, (but don't wallow in it for a long time) choose to let it go and move on...Hope that makes sense.

[LoginName]

It did make sense, Thanks Aud. I did let it out. I feel much better. And, as you said, it will come up again. I'll need to forgive, again, and get angry and get over it, again. Each time it probably goes more quickly and is easier.

[LoginName]

Aud,
It's good to get the feedback and validation. Thanks.

What makes it okay for me is that I'm not making choices out of fear, I'm doing what I want to do.

I think this is the key. Well said.
In a way, it's all that needs to be said. Make your choices, life your life. Take responsibility for yourself.

The 180s. Hmmmm, tricky. I feel like you do. I've a lot on my plate too. My C has kind of pushed me out the door twice, maybe 3 times, already, seemingly saying I don't need him anymore. Maybe that's how HMO's work.

I really like the book, Passionate Marriage. It really is giving me a lot ot think about. And, it seems to come down to what you've been saying; take care of yourself, work on your own problems. It takes real courage, because it presents real risks. I'd love for you to read it and tell me what you think.

I think my mini 180s are: not assuming negative intention from my W. Doing what I want to do, without asking persmission. Not saying I'm sorry for things I'm not sorry about or had no control over. I don't know. I still need to think of 180s.

I hope you have a great weekend.

[Aud31]

My C has kind of pushed me out the door twice, maybe 3 times, already, seemingly saying I don't need him anymore.

My C pretty much did that too--I like to think we get to a point where all that is left to do is the grunt work of putting what we've learned into practice, and the C just becomes a cheerleader. Could be the HMO thing, but maybe he/she just has bigger basket cases to concentrate on.

I will find some time to go through PM soon and let you know what I think.

The mini-180s you listed are great things to work on. Are you getting any feedback on them?

You have a great weekend too!

[LoginName]

Helloooooo,
I go away for a while, and nobody on my watch lists posts, anything? wow. I hope that means all is going well.

[Aud31]

Ooooh. That's frustrating for sure. It's good to see you back though! I've been contemplating a post, but nothing major is happening, and with the busy summer...you know how it goes. I'll find some time to update soon. On that note, how are things at Chez Login?

[LoginName]

Chez login is serving some of the best dishes. Summer has been great. Life, in so many ways is fun and good. Got laid off, got a new job for more pay a week later. Son and I are having fun, going to mountains, hanging out, etc. Going to concerts. Riding bike downtown to shows, library, restaurants. If I could just figure out my wife, life would be great. :-)

Aud, since you're still here, I'm guessing you're not ready to concider your divorce busted yet, right? I'm not. I'm still thinking, waiting, trying, and we'll see.

What have you been so busy doing? Have you figured anything new out? I would say, "what the hell is up with women?" but I guess guys are pretty nutty too. (although, I'm convinced that in general, men are more romantic than women. Disagree?)

[lodo]

Hey login,

You posted to me for a brief bit over in piecing several months ago. Just wanted to say hi and thank you for your previous advice.

Your post is pretty cryptic. Are you still long distance R? If you're going to mountains, I'm guessing yes.

lodo

[Aud31]

Hey, congrats on the new job! I'm glad you're happy with your overall sitch.

since you're still here, I'm guessing you're not ready to concider your divorce busted yet, right?

I would say divorce averted...but I don't know if I'll ever be able to say busted. I feel fairly secure now, but don't know that I can trust that I will always feel that, you know? When you've been at rock-bottom, it seems like you're more aware of how quickly things can go there. Sad, but true.

I would say, "what the hell is up with women?" but I guess guys are pretty nutty too. (although, I'm convinced that in general, men are more romantic than women. Disagree?)

So...is W throwing curve balls??? I like to think I'm not too nutty, but I know I can be hard to follow sometimes. It's this brain thing. I can't turn it off...it's always going, thinking about everything from small details to big pictures to To-Do Lists to strategies to nostalgia to trivia...and back again.

As far as men being more romantic, hmmm...can't say my H falls in that category. He can be thoughtful and sweet and, ahem, sexy. But romantic isn't his strong suit. I'm sure there are some romantics out there...I didn't pick one though.

[cat03]

hey dreamboat glad to hear you got a new job after loosing the other one, phew! thank heavens for that.
Hmm, I disagree, perhaps you are more romantic than most men but from what I've seen it is women with the mushy ideas, he he.