I am also socializing more with the people of Indian heritage I met at the last seminar and it feels better than the rich housewife group. There is less or no alcohol and less talk about sex - and more about politics and current events. And no one hits on me. I am gaining a new appreciation of my heritage. The other part of my social group is through work.
Needed to remind myself why I felt such a sense of peace this past weekend.
When The X left - he said his C had said that our R was toxic. Made me angry at the time. But really there is an element of truth - clearly he and I did not have a synergistic R. Towards the end of my M - I lacked the capacity to hear The X and he lacked the capacity to hear me. It was all reactive pain and gunk. Michele helped me de-escalate - but it was a little too late. We had both done too much damage to the R. Yes, I have posted about what he did. Well - he actually has quite a few legitimate things to post about me.
And several posts ago when I started accepting that being different was not a bad thing - it was just work accepting the gap simply cannot be bridged between certain groups if the differences lead to a toxic R. And in that case, you have to accept and move on.
When I left the large firm environment - I left b/c it did not work for me. I had to overcome a sense of failure at times and work towards - it is not about failing - I was just not suited for that environment. Selectively firing clients b/c they cause angst - once again accepting that a professional R with these clients was just not going to work for me.
I use to be angry with people that voted for W twice - posted all about that too. Now - well I have just moved away from those people. Clearly an R between people that view brown caucasions as suspect terrorists and brown caucasions - is just not a good fit.
Once again applying the principles I applied in my professional life to my personal life. The reason I am happy interacting with the groups I listed last weekend is b/c they are compatible R's. I guess there is a spectrum ranging comfortable to toxic.
My exchanges on the BB these past few hours reaffirms what I learned when I tried socializng with the rich housewives after I started working out of my home. Most of my GF's that work thought I was nuts for even thinking there was a possiblity of bridging the gap.
It just is not a good fit. I had posted about the sense of entitlement - the ability to spend money that H worked hard to earn on all sorts of luxuries while continuously bashing them for being inadequate as H's and as fathers. It caught me off guard how similar their tones were to that of some of the LBS's on the BB.
And of course my B-Day celebration with M GF - where I heard the most ludicrous statement of entitlement to date : having an affair with a 22 year old and telling her H that she was going to do it b/c he was inadequate as a H and b/c she had had 4 children with her H.
Life is too short to interact with people that are just not a good fit. As the years pass - I find myself gravitating increasinly away from idealism towards realism. Yes, in a ideal world - we would all get along. In the real world - well - not going to happen.
So onto the things that I enjoy doing in my life. My disease of the month was Parkinsons in June. I volunteered at the beer tent to help raise money for abused children and prevention of domestic violence in July. Breast cancer walk is Oct. I need to start looking for something for August. My goal is to do something for a charity - any charity every month. I don't want to be in charge of anything - I want to volunteer as a grunt. It is a great way to meet people while maybe giving a little something back to the universe.
