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Just trying to figure out why in the world he HASN'T asked you to put them back on yet!!!


because to him it's pressure..it's what I want...

"you want all these things..you want me to propose again and reneiw vows, you just want drama"

I deserve a little drama for christ sake....I was lonely and alone at home...my h was distant and forever denying that he was having an affair...then calls and tells me (only because he was seen with her by someone close to me and feared I'd hear about it) he's given her a ride to a doctors appointment (cancer) then denies being friends with her...then claims aqaintance...then admits to have gone out to lunch with her a few times...then their good frineds...then he may want a divorce...then he stays at parents for a week...then he "tries" but all the while continues to see her weekly while lying to me about it...then up and moves out claiming to never have felt that way about me in the first place...then tells me he wants a divorce...here I am at home alone not working...living far from friends and family raising two babies (mind you dd was 3 months old when I got the call that he had taken ow to doc apt and I was still nursing he moved out just 4 months later) moves from his mothers to his sisters and then to his own appartment...ow asks her h for a d...they are going to live happily ever after...then out of nowhere he decides he's confused and may or may not want to come back to me...changes his mind after expressing so....then drags me around for a few months still not living here but having me at his will when he does...and I don't deserve a little drama...at least send me flowers..I've accepted that aint gonna happen...give me a card that expresses your love for me..accepted that aint comming either...so gee what else is there?? oh I don't know as your wife to put her rings back on and be your wife...even though you didn't directly ask her to take them off...you did make them meaningless to wear when you said you didn't want to be her h anymore..that you loved another and always had.

I don't think I'm asking for much here...

and so...if h never ever asks (wich is probably going to be the case) then they will never be worn.

I'm not feeling very good today...been kinda foolishly allowing myself to wallow in self pitty and sit analysis...I'm plauged by the question still of was it a pa even if not "sexual" was it a ticklely cuddly type of pa...I am not sure if I even want to know at this point but part of me does. when I feel like h and I are close or "connecting" I often feel like he wants to tell me something but doesn't...the last time I felt like that h asked when our next c session is...I don't know.

I was a tad pissy tonight when h did get home...maybe the whole ring topic set me off but I was already feeling down today...h was 45 min later then he said he would be and I got no call or explenation or even acknowledgement of the fact that he was later then he said he would be. then h upon walking in the door said "this floor is a mess" (well no duh h...you've got the area around the pool all dug up and nasty so when the kids come in the house they leave yucky little foot prints I can't do everything can I. (no I didn't say that but I sure as hell felt like it) then while sitting eating dinner son wanted me to go in the other room so he could tell me something...I didn't want to have to get up so I asked him to tell me at the table...he just kept mumbling and I finally said "well it must not be that important" h then called me a grump...that just set me off. I asked h if he had an appointment with a customer at 5:30 and wasn't going to be there till 6:15 would he call them and let them know he'd be late..do they get that courtesy?

all h heard of anything was that the comment about the floor bothered me...eventually he gave a sorry appology that ended with "whatever"

so to h!! whatever right back at ya!

ok I'm done pissin and moaning for today back to possitive me tommorow.

LL