Hey addie, sorry I haven't been around much. I am sorry you are going through a difficult phase. You are a strong lady, I wish there was something I could think of to tell you, a useful idea... K
Stella - I know H is very much in Replay and Depression and I guess I can't hurry this along. He's on such a destructive path - he keeps seeking out 20 something year olds, mainly female ones but also hanging out with males in that age group. I don't think he's even being picky anymore and willing to take anyone just for the s*x right now. I'm so DISGUSTED by all of this. I really don't know if I can ever heal or trust him again. How can he keep saying all those beautiful things to me and then turn around and behave in this way?
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
H called a while ago, spoke to S and then asked to speak to me. He was talking normal, like "old times", telling me all about his day. I listened and was pleasant. I don't know how I managed but I pulled it off. Apparently S asked dad if he was coming here during the summer. H then told me it might be easier if we both went there (second time he's brought this up). I didn't say anything either way. I don't think I can pull it off if he's still lying and even worse, possibly being promiscuous. He said he's doing a lot of thinking about things and ended the call saying he misses me a lot. I don't understand how he can be doing what he has when he's telling me these things. How can I believe anything he says to me?
What do I do about his wanting us to get together before the end of the summer? On the one hand, trying to reestablish the connection between us may be good. On the other hand, he continues to be dishonest and I fear he is seeking out other females for companionship and/or s*x. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
as I'm in the same boat, I don't have an advice. It could be me writing your post, minus details: I'd prefer H hanging out with a bunch 20 yo (which is evidently an ilness), to H firmly attached to OW. May be you should find an oldtimer, whose story resembles yours, and ask for some guide lines.
You were great on the phone, I'm so proud of you!
Hang in there, (((((((HUGS)))))))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Stella, W2G thanks for your support. The problem is that I'm really conflicted about whether I want to see H at all at this point. He's been doing nothing but lying to me - I don't think I can act as if when I'm with him knowing that he's being dishonest.
Something interesting happened last night. H called again and told me that his jealous side was coming out when I had mentioned in the previous conversation that I had been out with a friend (I was non-chalantly vague and didn't tell him who). He said he couldn't blame me if I chose to spend time with someone else after what he's done to me, that he realizes that I have needs and that I must be lonely. I just changed the subject because I knew if I said anything else, I would let it all spill out in a confrontational way. BTW, the friend was female. He's jealous!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Just wanted to check in on you. I really don't have any advice for you as I'm so new to this. I think you did great on the phone & I don't know how you held it together but you did. That is good that he is jealous.
Maybe he will soon realize what he is doing & get some IC.
So I guess my question is do you think your H not coming or you not going to him will bring your closer to your goal? Do you think more time apart is what is needed? Maybe giving your H more space and giving yourself more time to regroup?
I think, although obviously I'm not in your shoes, it would be a good thing to see each other. I actually think if you could convince him to come to you that would be the better plan. He would be coming back to hometown, which hopefully would bring about some good memories (although some bad ones might be in there too?).. and he would be very far from OW.
So I guess my question is do you think your H not coming or you not going to him will bring your closer to your goal? Do you think more time apart is what is needed? Maybe giving your H more space and giving yourself more time to regroup?
W2G - these are good questions. I'm not sure that I have any answers right now but I do know my H is still very confused. If we do see each other, I'd prefer that he come visit us, like you said, away from OW. I won't suggest anything unless he brings it up again.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
