Trying not to count my chickens!

[glamgirl]

It will take many baby steps for your h. My h is making progress but no where near home yet.

If you can keep this going you just might see him eventually return.

[peacetoday]

Upside
Glad your party wa sa sucess
every good time and interacton is probably important now
good you are so busy that is helpful
maybe enjoy the courtship as once h moves back it may be even more difficult
at least He got this far..so many dont
practice gratitute
pma
take care of you
peace

[Upside]

Hi glam and peace-
I know...patience...more patience...and even more patience.

My H didn't make it to the C tonight...so, I showed and had to pay for both hours since my H didn't cancel in time. My H was very apologetic but he says he got stuck in his meeting...whatever. Why did he schedule that meeting then?...or why didn't he cancel the C beforehand?....grrr!!! I didn't let him know it bothered me at all...I just acted as if...I am getting so good at it but is that because I just don't care that much anymore??? Anyway, my H wanted to schedule appointments again for next week (hopefully my H can make it and hopefully I can make it...my S may have games). I think if we were moving any slower at this we would be moving backwards.

The C pointed out tonight that we are making progress since my H is making more consistant positive movement toward me. We also talked about my H having a crisis or depression. He said the crisis is a symptom of the depression and he explained how the type of depression my H is experiencing is such that he disassociates himself with everything he once enjoyed. It is also positive that my H is showing many signs of reconnecting with some of the things he used to enjoy (cooking for one). I asked the C if my H and I were to reconcile, is it possible that my H could go through something like this again...thought about it and said it is possible...but also said there are no guarantees in life with anything.

My D leaves on her trip tomorrow...she will be gone 11 days...I will miss her soooooo much...I wish I was going with her...thank goodness I have lots to do to keep me busy.

So I am here...enjoying my at the moment very busy life. Things aren't perfect but the sure as heck could be a lot worse.

[glamgirl]

I like what your C is saying. I see such similarities with my own h. It really is the depression that has a hold on my h.

That is good he wants to schedule again next week. You could let your h know if you need to cancel do so by such and such so we don't get billed for not going.

Hang in there Upside. Many positives your way!

[Purr]

Hey Upside,

That must have been frustrating with your H. pulling the late cancel thing on the MC. There is a real sense of lack of consideration on the part of so many of the WAS' on these different threads. It's hard to understand. But you are sounding good in terms of not getting pulled into a reactive place about it...that's really great for you. And yes, he's rebooking so that's a good sign and the C. is seeing some evidence of movement too, which must be validating. Hang in there.

Purr

[new_attitude]

Hi Up,

It's frustrating that he didn't make the appt, but encouraging that he wants to go next week. It's also good that you had some time to talk to C on your own about the progress your h is making.

I hope your d has a great trip! I'm sure you'll miss her, but will keep yourself busy while she's gone.

So I am here...enjoying my at the moment very busy life. Things aren't perfect but the sure as heck could be a lot worse.

You're enjoying your life. Now that's a huge positive for you. I'm so glad to read that.

[Upside]

Hi glam, Purr and na-
I had a bit of a rough day yesterday. My XH and his OW-W sent me ridiculously insulting emails. This started because they were complaining that my S16 & D15 are too busy and putting their activities before family. Now granted, this time of year their sports schedule is crazy but most of that is just their high school team which they are obligated to do if they want to play their sport in college (which they do)...and if they have any chance to get a scholorship (which my XH has pretty much said he won't pay for their college). I had just sent them an email stating that their complaining about the kids schedule is just putting more pressure on them and that we need to support them. Whoa...did I get blasted because I wrote this...

In my opinion, rather than try to support our D, I think you and XXX are putting more pressure (emotional pressure she does not need) on her by telling her she is neglecting (your portion of) her family for sports.

Both of them bashed me on everything and anything they could find...the OW-W actually wrote this...

I haven't left this family to go find out if I really want to be a part of this family because I already know the answer to that question and I hope that my actions prove it.

I am even being bashed for my H's actions.

and she wrote...

I am blessed that I have a my kids and my husband, that we have a good life together and that we are able to enjoy what we have and that we are all healthy

And...

Why do you feel the need to never ever say anything nice about me?

And...

You don't like me and you won't ever like me and so you will always try to insult me whenever you can. If it makes you feel better then all I have to say is that at least it gives you something to do. It doesn't seem like you have a whole lot to do with your time

My XH told me that the only thing I am teaching my kids about is sports and shopping. He said that I am a "sad person" and that I am passing this on to my kids.

They need to be more grounded and you need to start doing your part.

This is just the tip of the iceburg of what they wrote and what they have done to me for years. These people are sick. I swear they act like I was the one who hurt them. I think it just goes to show what guilt does to people. I am not responding to their emails because they obviously will continue to twist things around.

On to my H...he called me yesterday...he seems to be calling more. He and I both have a busy week so he says he will come to my S's swim meet on Thursday. Then he is going away for the weekend...again. I am feeling a little frustrated right now. I want to be more of a priority...I want working on our M to be more of a priority. I know...focus on the positives...but right now I am feeling like I am starting to not care about the M all that much. Maybe I am just tired of everything at the moment because of the email beatings I got from my XH and his W.

[still hoping]

Wow Upside. I can't believe the bashing continues after so many years! Do exactly what you are doing by ignoring them. Sounds like THEY are the ones with too much time on their hands.

Glad to read about the progress from your H. I actually think it might be a good thing that you don't care about the M all that much at the moment. Focusing on it too much can cause you to have expectations, not to mention drain you of all your energy. It's good to take a step back and just let things happen once in a while.

[Nature Girl]

Upside,

I am so sorry to hear about your XH and his W and their emails to you. I think you are doing the best thing by not responding to them. It sounds like they try to make themselves feel superior by making you the enemy or bad guy - don't take the bait.

Can you talk to your C about how to deal with them in a constructive way (a way that is best for your kids)? Maybe focussing on this XH/kids issue and working on coming up with positive solutions (if not with the C, aren't there books about communicating with and dealing with difficult people?) can take your mind off where in the mlc process that you are with your H. Then just enjoy the time (without any expectations) you do get to spend with your H.

(((hugs)))

[new_attitude]

Wow Upside. It's amazing what some people will say in an email. You are doing the right thing by ignoring them.