three months IS a long time. I feel like I'm ready to be D'ed now - I can't believe I'm only at the halfway point.
When this all started I was so ready to stand and continue standing for my M. I was going to be the best darn DB'er ever seen. Steady, understanding, patient.
Along the way, I guess, I've realized that steadiness and patience don't mean a lot when your S is stubborn and confused. Far better to wallow in the hurt and pain and get it all out of your system than to suppress everything in a mistaken understanding of how to DB. Which is what many of us do. We think we've got it and we say "I AM focusing on myself," but we're so busy looking at our M that we miss what's going on. Until that day when it finally hits us that the M isn't being saved. Then we get it and move on with making ourselves happy.
And so here I am. I'm not standing for my M any longer. I just wish it was all over. I love her, I admire her, but I don't trust her and I certainly don't respect her. In her professional life, yes, but in her personal life, no. What's sad is that I can easily imagine her making the same mistakes ad infinitum. Her independence means more to her than being in a R. And so she'll continue being a ticking time bomb until she finally looks at the part of herself and decides if that's how she really wants to live life or not.
