Finally locked my first thread. I will summarize my sitch the best I can.
W and I have been slowly growing apart for the last five years or so. It started shortly after we bought our new house.
I tried to talk to her about what I needed and wanted but she would never say what she wanted except that she got what she wanted from the kids. I never understood this but think she wanted to be held and loved without the pressure of ML. I never just held her it always was to meet my needs and I did not consider hers were different than mine.
I worked two sometimes three jobs until 2003 to make ends meet. She worked part time and we needed the money.
Between a job that I hated to go to but made good money, the stress of the house, kids and our R, I continued to get angrier over the years. My W and kids never knew what mood I would be in. My W said she walked around on eggshells trying to keep the peace and protect the kids. I never have laid a hand on my W or kids it was just my bad moods and tone of voice they feared.
I was unhappy and blamed it on my W and her inability to meet my needs thus not making me happy.
Last June it all came to a head and she gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. I went to C to try and save my M but ended up figuring out that I was the reason I was unhappy and angry and not my W. I started to work on me. I bought several book one of them being DB.
I was working hard on myself when in April I found out my W was having an EA with her ex H. This really put me over the edge. I have had some rough months, backslide a lot and have had a hard time detaching.
I found this site where I have been able to vent and get some great advice. I joined a golf league, started to buy my own clothes, dress nice around my wife and most importantly I started a new business with another person.
Things have been getting better and my W and I are in the friendship stage. Our last R talk happened June 27th I again took responsibility for my actions over the last several years and apologized for not being there for her. I told her that she now needs to decide what she wants and what will make her happy and that if she wants me to stay and work on the M I will. If me leaving will make her happy I will leave, no regrets no bad feeling towards her.
We do not go to MC because she does not think it will help. Life and the kids came between us and we both lost ourselves along the way. I have become a much better person and know what I want. She needs to do the same and until then I will be waiting to move the R forward but will continue to work on me until then.
