The continuing story of the Lake Erie Shore

[poet]

OK, Neil,

Thanks for the info. And, keep doing the action thing. I have been listening to everyone on my thread and tho I don't do it all the time, you even said yourself that my H is noticing. So is your W. I'm positive she will come around. Trust me, I can feel in my bones.

s

[poet]

Cool beans!

"Love's a fool's dance...
I ain't got much sense, but I still got my feet..."

We all have our feet.

Let's dance.

_______________

And then there's that other song by him.

"I don't want to fade away."

Remember that one?

s

[TwinDad]

the funny thing is is that i don't want her to pull back....i feel we are on the verge of something

Of course you don't...you enjoyed yourself as well and you miss it...hence the anger...etc. Love her let her pull back, she is not doing it to be ugly, if she wants to come back she wants to do it for the right reasons....and if she wants to come back she doesn't want to feel like she made a mistake and have to do this all over again.

It is kind of like she is "trying on" the family for a little bit, taking it off, taking a step back and see how she feels. If she misses it she will come back and try it on again....for a longer period of time. If you push her, she will be more hesitant about trying it on again. If you think about it, she is also protecting you a little bit in this way, she knows this isn't easy for you and doesn't want to unnesscessarily hurt you.

The funny thing as you get closer, you will find it more and more difficult to keep your patience......keep your cool.

One other thing from one of your other posts, she may never go to MC and this may be a good thing. I know in my sitch I had begged and pleaded for MC, now I think that would be a huge mistake....nothing significant would happen aside from bringing up old pain. We both know what got us there and we both know what we did wrong and what we need to do better......we have never had an "ah-ha" moment and I honestly don't expect to have one....we are showing things through actions.

Your heart is in the right place....just slow it down a little bit so your mind doesn't race too much

[Neilh23]

Tdad...i so want toooooooo believe you.....i really do....it's so difficult to sometimes.....i can't explain it.....

Please don't take offense...........it's just difficult, because those words aren'tcoming out of her mouth..... i'm an auditory learned sometimes too...LOL....



ugh.

[Neilh23]

hey all..

here's a link to the video for that song i quoted yesterday...."girls in their summer clothes"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7g7-lL6cQU

[1hope]

Neil,

That's where faith comes in. If it's hard, believe anyway. Even when it hurts.

It's my belief that you and your W did not just happen to get together by luck.

Keep going. Keep breathing. I'll meet you at the next rest area

[TwinDad]

Tdad...i so want toooooooo believe you.....i really do....it's so difficult to sometimes.....i can't explain it.....

Please don't take offense...........it's just difficult, because those words aren'tcoming out of her mouth..... i'm an auditory learned sometimes too...LOL....

You don't have to explain...I already know. I don't take offense from anything on this board....I took the worse the person I love the most had to give....anything on here is a piece of cake.....lol

Neil,

I think you are doing good. Your biggest problems are confidence (which you know and are improving on very well) and you are scared, scared that your best DB efforts and otherwise will not be good enough.

A mind game that helps out with this is pretend you don't have a R anymore. I believe most people call this dropping the rope. If you think about it, it is kind of a good thing because you don't want that relationship anyways. Pretend you have someone you are very interested in, that has just got out of a bad R. Think about how you got together to begin with. If you "drop the rope" then there is no longer anything to be scared of ....there is only hope of a new beginning.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Love her let her pull back, she is not doing it to be ugly, if she wants to come back she wants to do it for the right reasons....and if she wants to come back she doesn't want to feel like she made a mistake and have to do this all over again.

It is kind of like she is "trying on" the family for a little bit, taking it off, taking a step back and see how she feels. If she misses it she will come back and try it on again....for a longer period of time. If you push her, she will be more hesitant about trying it on again. If you think about it, she is also protecting you a little bit in this way, she knows this isn't easy for you and doesn't want to unnesscessarily hurt you.

This is good stuff, TD! Do you mind if I copy and alter the female words to male words for my sitch? I want to hang it in my bathroom to help me stay focused.

Neil take this to heart. It is going great and I am proud of you for your commitment to your family. I know how hard those really good days are--you just want to sit the WAS down and say, "What is so awful about this that you have to leave?" Unfortunately, we cannot ask this question. They have to ask themselves.

SMW

[TwinDad]

This is good stuff, TD! Do you mind if I copy and alter the female words to male words for my sitch? I want to hang it in my bathroom to help me stay focused.

Please do...

you just want to sit the WAS down and say, "What is so awful about this that you have to leave?" Unfortunately, we cannot ask this question. They have to ask themselves.

Now that is good......The only thing I would add would be "it is our job to show them they are making the wrong decision" the emphasis on actions

[Neilh23]

want to sit the WAS down and say, "What is so awful about this that you have to leave?" Unfortunately, we cannot ask this question. They have to ask themselves.

SMW

so true. i think that's why my W is pulling back...she might've enjoyed it more than she thought......

ugh.

how frustrating...LOL....