I WISH my state had a No Fault clause. The state of NY makes D very difficult..
There's probably economic and moral reasons for this. Morality has gone away. I wish my state made it much more difficult to D; its far too easy and you can win the lottery with "community property". Buzzwords like "co-dependence", "emotional-abuse", etc. are often conveniently used to justify D - these terms are quite nebulous anyway. But with rampant D like we have now people need to think thrice about getting married! So they should also make it much harder to get married and have kids and much easier to find solutions to marital problems - the available "therapy" is a joke.
I agree that it should be harder to marry than to divorce. There are 'powers' in the State of NY that lobby (and successfully so) to keep D so hard to obtain. I hope that changes. The only people that suffer through a long drawn out divorce are the children. Should a WAW change, you can always remarry if YOU so choose.
I'm sorry that words like 'codependence' and 'emotional abuse' are buzzwords to you. They aren't to those people that have suffered those words. The hope for reconciliation, can, at some point, be a form of denial. Know your path. Also know that I am NOT an advocate of divorce...I DO support DB principles..and I DO support those that choose to stand....even if they choose to do so their entire lifetime and their S's have remarried.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
While I sometimes wish that I hadn't spend 16 yrs of my life with XH, and then three more years trying to save my M and recovering, I don't really regret what has happened, b/c it has changed who I am, in a good way. I am so much calmer, more relaxed, more open and compassionate. I feel free to love with all my heart.
So yes, I've not only survived the D, I can see a whole new and wonderful life ahead of me, better than I could have imagined when I was still M to my ex.
I read these words and they resonated so deeply within me that I had to drop you a line to let you know.
I never knew pain and anguish like I knew through this whole thing. There were FAR too many days that I KNEW I would never make it through.
But something happened as the weeks and months went by. Something good. I began to get my legs under me again. I began to see possibilities instead of endings. My step became lighter and the horrible events began to lose their power to cripple me.
And now? Well, I have taken that next step Nic. I went out into the water and put my heart out there again. Nearly two years now since my ex changed our family forever, I have a new family.
My boys love her. Her children love me. Most importantly we love each other. We have both been through this hell we call mid life crisis or walkaway spouse and we've both emerged as better and wiser people.
So when I read the joy you are finding in your life again, I rejoice with you because I too have found that joy.
And I wish we could somehow convince everyone who is currently hurting on this site that, regardless of whether your story ends in reconciliation or divorce, there is still a wonderful life out there in front of you. The actions of a single person can never take that away.
Blessings to you Nic,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Thanks AMD and Steve - you are two people who have stood by me for a long time.
WEll, that just shows that I have good taste in friends.
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I wish we could somehow convince everyone who is currently hurting on this site that, regardless of whether your story ends in reconciliation or divorce, there is still a wonderful life out there in front of you. The actions of a single person can never take that away.
Those of us who followed your story in those darkest moments know that you fought really hard to save your marriage. Unfortunately, there are times that no matter what we do, the decision of someone else is out of our control.
We've learned to let go of the control and rather than spending anymore energy on what we have no control of, we spent the energy on someone who is worth it - YOU.
You are truly a success and as we have always said, there is a better life out there for you. Some people feel that it is unfortunate that we have had to travel this journey. For those of us who have and have learned from it, are stronger and better for it today. This is the path Jesus chose for you because He knew you deserved better.
I love you and miss you, Nic. You are truly someone I will always admire.
Hugs, ISLH
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
And I wish we could somehow convince everyone who is currently hurting on this site that, regardless of whether your story ends in reconciliation or divorce, there is still a wonderful life out there in front of you. The actions of a single person can never take that away
Amen to that. HUGS. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Still reading. I do hope you are doing well. When are you moving to Alabama so I can hit you up for a date?
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Some people feel that it is unfortunate that we have had to travel this journey. For those of us who have and have learned from it, are stronger and better for it today. This is the path Jesus chose for you because He knew you deserved better.
I do hope you are right ISLH. You need to come south too!
