Hope4us struggle, part 7

[Hope4us]

Thanks guys. Puppy, I think maybe I didn't express my thoughts clearly enough. I wasn't going to let her off the hook in any way. I am more concerned about OM getting mad at me because I give the deposition and even though I'm pretty sure the affair is over, him starting to contact W again and filling her head with all the crap that he already did to get what he wanted and she believing it again and off the affair goes.

So here's the scoop from last night.

I got home and told W we needed to talk. I asked her if she got an email at work today and she didn't. I told her about the email from OMW and what was going to happen. W asked why she wasn't the one to get the subpoena? I told her that I didn't know, but maybe that was coming. She told me she hasn't talked to OM in a long time (Not sure I believe that, but given her interaction etc with me lately, it seems it could be true) as she thinks OM has moved on to someone else. I just stood there and shook my head yes. I told her OMW is pretty sure he had another girlfriend as early as last Oct. W just looked at me. I told her about the phone call OMW got from a woman in that area back in Jan/Feb and how worried OM was about that call and OMW thinks by how he was acting he already had a new one lined up.

I then told W, "do you remember the weekend in late Oct when OM told you he was going home to talk to OMW about a divorce so you could then divorce me and you guys could be together"? W looked at me and then looked away quick and said, "I remember him going home in late Oct". And I said back, "W, he never went home that weekend. He was just telling you that". You should have seen the look on her face when I told her that. She looked away quickly and started to get tears in her eyes.

She then started talking to me about the deposition and how would it be done etc. She never once told me she was sorry I had to go through this, etc. She never once gave me any indication that she felt bad about the affair or what I'm going through. She did say, "just go to the deposition and tell them we were screwing around".

And that was about it. She started talking about an email she had sent me with some funny pictures on it, etc, but that was about all we said to each other the whole night.

I'm just not sure I even care if our marriage makes it or not. I'm not sure I want to be with someone who is so self absorbed that they have no feelings for ANYONE but themselves. She doesn't seem to care how this is affecting me, our kids, OM's wife and family, nobody but herself, and she seems to be just fine with what's happened. She gets to have hot monkey sex with OM for 9 months, he get's divorced, we're headed that way and all she does is say "that deposition/divorce stuff is between him and her" and that's the end of it.

I'm still going to give her some more time to see if she comes around, but in reality, I'm not very confident that our marriage has a chance. And in a strange way, I'm ok with that. I'm just ready to move on with my life. I think I'd like it to be with her, but I'm just not sure. A big part of me thinks I'd really rather it just be me and my boys. I guess the next couple months will determine if I'm going to give her a chance, not the other way around.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.