Mandy, Those who begin to wake up will have some of their old personality traits return. They may even keep a few that they acquired along the mlc trail. I know of several cases whereby the mlcer remained stuck and was and continues to be a nasty individual. When we leave them alone and allow them to travel the trail of destruction all on their own, they tend to heal better. Then again, if and when they do wake up, who is to say that we will even like the person? There's always that little wrench to toss into the mix.
I do hope that your day has been a good day and that you've enjoy spending some quality time w/your son. Hopefully, you'll be able to get things sorted out in time.
Have a good week!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi folks, sorry I didn't get back to you but the wretched computer went awol. Just a little update to say things may not be going too rosy for the ex, neighbours saw him and wifey up at our old home and they said they both looked dead miserable, ex always had a smile on his face and twinkling in his eyes, I have also been told by a very good source that the owners of the pub that they are in 7 days and nights a week have been evicted, ex and wifey made these owners good friends, have to say that before all this ex said steer clear of them they are evil and horrible people, well they got very close to them and now they have left, wifey has also fallen out with her very good friend of many years who was matron of honour at their wedding, a girl that works in the bar where they practically live says they are in their till gone 5.30 in a morning, and the cleaner says they are normally still there when she goes in to do the cleaning, in a morning, geez what has this man done, he was never like this, what happened to him going off to do some nice things with his life, to live and be happy, and all he does is sit in some flea pit smoking and drinking into the very early morning with some excuse of a wife that cannot hang on to freinds for very long, wonder of much longer it will be before she gets shut of him, it does seem like their little world is falling apart. myself and my son are due to go on holidays 3 weeks today, I cannot wait, I am well ready for it and am really looking forward to spending loads of quality time with my son, who is maturing really quickly cripes he is turning into a young man, it is so different it is like having a conversation with an adult, it is brilliant he is not only my son who I love and adore with all my heart he is my best friend. it is a shame his father will never have the same connection.
just having a thought this morning, it is son's birthday next week he will be 14 years old, he has turned into a delightful good looking strappy hunk of a guy he has grown up more or less it seems over the last two years, it is an amazing thing to watch happen to your babies, wondering if his so called father will be posting him a birthday card or even remembering in his history that he has a child out there, we will see. still no correspondence back from him to my solicitor re sons bank accounts or anything, he thinks ignoring it will go away, i think differently. also been told that ex is drinking far more than he used to, dont get me wrong he always enjoyed a beer, now it is vodka and plenty of it, so much so that he cannot get up and go to work some mornings, this is rich from a guy that loved to go to work and was I suppose a workaholic, how things change. I suppose I could believe that this is how he is handling what he as done, but he as been at it so long now I doubt if he will come out of his tunnel, he definately wont be coming back here, also the couple that they are knocking about with from the bar that got evicted are said to be very dirty and untidy, and have left owing around 100k, i see a pattern here it is like ex's new wifey as got them into debt as well just like she has done with all her exes, wonder who will be the next. cant wait to get on with my hols we are so looking forward to it, i think after what son and i have been through we are more than ready for this holiday and i am gonna really enjoy it, in fact I have never looked forward to a holiday so much in my life and i have been going every year.
heres an interesting update, I suppose some of you may think I did wrong but here goes. last night I had a phone call it was a number I didn't recognise, turns out it was ex's new wifey phoning off his old cell. I remained very calm and spoke to her at length, don't know if I should have or not. she wanted to know if there is anything at all her and myself can do to stop this ill feeling between people, she means ex and his son, I gave her a few home truths and she started crying, I told her he doesnt understand what he has done to his son, and it was ex who burnt the bridges and it is up to ex to rebuild them if he wants to. she told me ex is devastated at losing his son, many times he just sits crying and saying he as lost everyone, his mum and dad who both died and most of all he has lost his son, she says she has told him to contact son but he is afraid to because he doesnt know how son will react, I told her it has been a long long time and he must not think son will welcome him with open arms, I also asked her if they ever stopped to think what it has done to son's head by doing what they did, that the turning point in all this was when ex turned myself and son out on the streets, how does a father do that to his only child, her response was I know him better than her and when he as a bee in his bonnet what he is like, she says he doesn't talk to her about anything, buries his head in the sand and hopes something will happen and plays his cards very close to his chest. there is a birthday card at theirs and she wanted to know how to get it to son, havent they heard of the postal system. she also asked if son still uses his cell number that dad has, she stated that she pays the bill for this and intends to keep it on because that is the only line of contact that ex has with son, I told her whats the point of that he doesnt phone son and when he does he witholds his number so son doesnt answer it and especially when it is also in the early hours of the morning, she asked if there is any way he can contact son, or anything I could do to help. I told her I dont think I owe this man any favours and cannot put my relationship with my son in jeapordy to help in anyway, however I did let her know I wouldnt stand in the way and I do genuineley hope that they do get back into a father son relationship. Yet again I told her how hard it is to explain, but put yourself in sons shoes and try and think like a 12 year old, your dad leaves with no forewarning, he gets married to someone you dont like, he wont spend even an hour a week with you, he has you a fight and doesn't speak to you for 3 months, he makes contact at xmas and takes you out and buys you everything you ask for to make your bedroom a place of your own, your own little haven and then low and behold three months down the line, dad stops contacting you at all and throws you out of your new little bedroom, out of your home, that he had promised and promised that you could stay in for as long as you like, and afterall it was gonna be yours someday
sorry had to post as it is getting quite lengthy and didn't want to lose what I had already typed. anyhow I went on to say did he know that when he was throwing us out of the house that we were facing being put in a hostel until some emergency housing in the worse part of the city became available, did he know that, because if he did he still carried on regardless, what was his reasoning for getting us out for trespassing, taking me to court to get us out, did he think I wasnt trying to get out of the place anyway, and for what because 9 months down the line and the old place is still sat empty as it wont sell. she says he really regrets what he did, and doesnt know what to do to put it right, he is afraid to contact son, and it is really hurting her to watch him be like this, I apologised and yet again told her it is not my responsibility to push son into making contact with his dad, his dad wants to grow up and act like an adult otherwise things will never happen. I left it at that. I wonder to myself what was the reason she felt the need to ring me really. Is ex now realising what he has done, is the regret seeping in, is the marriage having problems, whatever it isnt anything to do with me, he made his choice to do all this not me, I did find it interesting though when she said he has been wanting to contact son for a few months now and he just sits crying and saying he as lost everyone, especially son, could this be hitting bottom or just a bleet from her, she also said he didn't know she was phoning me and would go all hell crazy when he found out, I dunno, any views anyone, would be appreciated, and sorry for being so lengthy, also going on holidays so dont worry if I dont get back to you. thanks take care everyone
Mandy, I am quite sure that he feels regret, and regrets what he did. Unfortunately for your son the vast majority of people will not admit they have done wrong and will continue to live in misery putting on the appearance that they have made the right decision. I find it very interesting that this OW called you. Things must be pretty rough there for her to make such a drastic move. They have been together for over 2 years and she has made no effort in the past and could care less. I mean if she were that concerned about your son, she could stopped him from turning you and the boy out of the house. Mandy, this is an attempt by her to find a way to make things easier on her. If there is no communication between the 2 of them, it won't last.
Well Well, your nasty ex is having a lot of problems. I have to say that I don't feel that bad for him after reading all your posts and knowing how he has treated you and your son.
Guilt and shame are rearing their ugly head for your ex and his wifey. I believe it is getting quite overwhelming for the both of them. It sounds like he is waking up a bit and looking at all the damage he has caused. Quite sad isn't it.
You continue to do what you are doing. Being a wonderful parent to your beautiful son. I think you will be seeing more and more what has been going on in your ex's world.
God Bless
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
thanks for all your replies, oh how I don't intend to let this spoil sons birthday and holiday, and yes it is sad for his dad, but hey I didnt burn the bridges and I cant rebuild them, she wanted him for better or worse, well she's got him, maybe she shouldn't have been too greedy, yes I suppose I do still feel for my old ex deep down, but I am past letting him bother me, and oh how I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she told me that she had contacted me. woohoo, we are really looking forward to our holidays, we have waited a long time and been through so much, hope ex really is frustrated that we still holiday without him, hugs everyone
