Alien invasion 3.0

[hoosiermama]

I woke up because of a ferocious thunderstorm, and now I can't get back to sleep. Bummer. I'll be yawning all day now.

Kind of excited about the prospect of forcing H's hand at MC today. I've felt all along that I've been sitting around waiting for his next move and just bracing myself for it; not a good feeling. However, I feel like I'm "taking back some power" in calling him on his lie from the last session: "No, there IS no one else." I'd be nothing but a doormat if I let that one go, even tho we're not working on the M but rather on helping D. And on that--for the past month I've been quite clear about my intention to support D's relationship with H, for her sake; she needs her dad especially at this age. But he keeps going back to talking about his fear that I'll trash him to her and make her hate him. Pure projection, part response to her anger at him (of course she's angry!) and part just another way to demonize me. I think I need to call him on that, because it's wasting our time for me to keep reassuring him. I've given him no reason to believe anything except my sincere support of that father-daughter bond. It's just a way to deflect blame from himself and keep us out of meatier territory, such as his absolute selfishness.

Also feeling slightly sick because my boss/pastor came and sat in my office with a pen and pad of paper, and said it was time to discuss announcing my leaving to the parish--and how did I want him to announce it. He was wearing a huge smile--what a jerk. I said I didn't have the slightest idea what to say, I'd give it some thought. I'm leaving because I'm being pushed out the door by a couple of co-workers, who have spent the past several years sabotaging my projects, withholding information, spreading false rumors, and undermining my efforts--it's all about control and jealousy and needing to be seen as the only ones who deserve gratitude. In spite of many efforts to defend myself to the boss/pastor, he chose to believe the lies, and it was mostly a matter of quit or be fired. And it was just too demoralizing to stay and fight just to be able to do my job (for not very much $$); I've been doing that for 4 years. So I resigned back in May--4 days later H drops the bomb. Boss/pastor could have had the good grace not to look so happy today, but then he never has been able to keep his thoughts from showing on his face. What a crappy thing to do--he knows he's pushing me out, it's his responsibility to put some kind of positive spin on it, not mine. The original plan was to say I was leaving to do _________ (fill in the blank with new job) so I could spend more time with my family. (Ironic, no?) But there's no new job yet. Hence the problem. Heaven forbid the parish find out what really happened. This leaving is very painful, but dealing with my feelings about that have been so eclipsed by the collapse of my marriage.

Okay, I vented, I feel better and I'm going to try to go back to sleep!