I need to give a disclaimer to this post upfront. This post is for me to vent, to unleash hurt, anger, disappointment. It may come across a little irrational, but I need to let this out and this is the safest place for me to do that.
I mentioned in a previous post about S21 being addicted to meth, having him in rehab etc. When in rehab, during one of our sessions the C told H and I that the relapse rate for his addiction was almost guaranteed. They tried to prepare us for it etc. We've had a vigilant/wary/not-so-trusting eye for that reason.
Anyway, H and I suspected something was up with him just before the holidays even though rest of fam & friends thought otherwise. We'd planned a 3 week trip to PV for Xmas with D17. (help H with SAD issues), youngest son had moved home temporarily. We decided we didn't feel comfortable leaving the house alone for that long with the uneasy feelings we were getting in regards to other son. Didn't want to put him in position of being brother's keeper etc. Ask my dad if he would mind staying at our house while we're gone. (he was going to keep our dog at his house anyway) Dad thinks this is a great idea. His gf lives in town (dad lives 45 min out in boonies) this will save on gas, and S19 will spend xmas with him.
Before we leave we lay down ground rules for the boys. S19 is now an adult, doesn't need to be babysat etc. If S21 comes by at anytime, he is not to be left alone in the house,nor is he to go in any rooms by himself. Dad agrees to all of this. Turns out he ignores ALL of our requests.
S19 comes home and finds S21 in house by himself on computer. Grandpa had gone to store. S19 takes shower, gets out, doesn't see brother anywhere, then hears something in garage. Finds brother going through our car. Boots him out of the house. Confronts grandpa who said it didn't matter what I said, it was fine.
Early next a.m. S21 *breaks* into the house and takes grandpa's car and supposedly $60. Grandpa calls police, they find car 2 blocks away with S21 within 15 min of him leaving our house. No cash, minute amt of drugs and parphernalia. They arrest him and let him out the next day. They drop the case.
Now I say supposedly to all of this because my dad has actually given false reports to the police in regards to this son in the past because he thinks this is the way to get him help. There were a lot of things that just did not add up to my dad's story about all of this. (way too many to list and my H feels the same way, not just a mother's heart here)
We didn't have any contact with S21 until end of March, about 3 days before H left me. Ran into him on the street. I let him know we loved him, if he wanted to get help he knew how to get a hold of us, but until he was clean we couldn't be around him. He was really high that night.
Unbeknownst to any of us all this time my dad was pressuring the DA's office to file charges against S21.
S21 was arrested that same night for a drug charge and released the next day. He came to see me and asked me to help him get help. We were able to get him into the hospital for immediate care, they could keep him for a few days, the psychiatrist would help find a rehab to take him. Sometime between the time he was released and the 3rd day in the hospital, the DA gave in to my dad and filed charges. Dr. couldn't find a rehab to take him. S21 disappeared from hospital and managed to stay out of trouble and out of anyone's sight until the end of June. He came out from wherever he was hiding, cop saw him, arrested him.
Fast track to today. Today was his hearing. He was found guilty and will be sentenced on Wed. He is looking at 20 yrs based on the charges my dad pressed. I didn't go. Though my dad tried to have my daughter called as a witness because he said she was a victim. How the he** he came up with that I don't know. She was out of the country with us! AND it's MY house! Afterwards my dad called S22 and S19 to tell them what happened, they both said he was gloating and happy. They both hung up on him.
I KNOW my son was wrong. What he did was illegal. But I am still very angry with my dad. He needs help, but not this kind of help. I would think that his grandfather would want him to get better, not ruin his life even more. My dad was made whole, he told the police he had more money than what they found on my son, (all a lie, and he told H & I that) even though the amt he had on him was the real amt taken. Nothing wrong with the car. (this is the irrational part of my vent) I don't get it. I would think with his grandson WANTING help (and that's the only way at this point, is he has to WANT it) you'd think he'd have some compassion. But nope, his way is the right way, my way is wrong. And what ticks me off even more is his calling the other 2 boys to gloat!!!!! I told D17 not to answer her phone if grandpa called and if he emailed her to forward it to me to read first. (she will, she's irritated with him too)
I haven't seen my son since the end of March after I took him to the hospital. He sent me a letter last week telling me he was sorry, he had been trying to do good, but it was hard. He told me to tell everyone he loved them, and to especially tell grandpa he loved him. I've detached myself from this situation for so long now, that until this afternoon, I've been numb over everything, even his letter didn't get to me. The anger at my dad, and all his crap that I've tolerated over the years, (my other siblings were smarter) has just come pouring out of me tonight. If it weren't for my children, I wouldn't have had a relationship with my dad after becoming an adult. When they were younger he was a good grandpa and I wanted them to have that since I didn't.
My H and I had a long talk about this son a few nights ago. I had kept the letter to myself and I finally told him about it. The talk was good. He told me how much he loved him, he isn't angry with him for anything he's done to us, he's disappointed in the road he's travelling and seeing his bright future slip further and further away. He told me he wanted to go with me to the jail to visit him which surprised me. I haven't made up my mind yet that I will do that. Yet another area where honest communication opened my eyes to how he really felt, which wasn't at all what I had been thinking.
