Im done.

[bluerain]

Honestly, one of the only reasons I have for not wanting the D anymore is that I dont want it to be ok for them to be together. I dont want to be with someone who treats me as poorly as he does anymore, theres really no excuse, Im tired of being disrespected and lied to. I saw someone said that the best revenge for a woman who steals another womans H is to let her have him.

But I am doing some stellar DBing, I dropped the rope, havent communicated with him at all (and dont really want to!), GALing, Ive become a much more exciting, interesting person, I guess I can thank him for that. Im not sure that I consider it DBing anymore, I am much to good for him, if he claims that he wants to come home hes going to have to work really hard at it. I really can do better than the lying sack of sh*t he has chosen to become, and I would like to settle in and just get to being ok on my own, I am feeling more independent than ever, and I LIKE it!

I am really excited about my life now, I said that I was determined to be ok with or without him, but I didnt mean it until now. I have a bright future, hes really going to be missing out. I was thinking earlier about how much baggage they are going to be bringing into their relationship. Sounds fun doesnt it? They will have a really hard time trusting eachother, I have absolutely no faith that they will "make it".
I am submitting my application to the Alaska State Troopers, as a Wildlife Trooper. Its something that I have thought about in the past, but following H's military career around it was sort of impossible to do a lot of things. It should mesh pretty well with my job now, and I am totally qualified as far as education goes, Im a federal employee with Fish and Wildlife right now, so I think that that will be in my favor. I will have to do some physical training, I hike for work 5 days a week, but theres push-up and running requirements, ick... running, they dont make exceptions for women either in the push-ups, so I will have to work really hard.

I certainly do think that I have learned how to be a better wife, in good times too, not just when things go bad. And I have learned about my determination, and how to let go when its necessary (Im pretty darn stubborn). I can look back and know that I really did try, but I wont let him have my dignity, hes toasting his own, I wont let him take me down with him. I have nothing to be ashamed of through this, and I know that he is going to struggle with his actions for quite some time.