This is a big feeling. I'm pretty emotional right now. I feel like a switch went off inside of me.
This is the person I want to be now, forever. I know I'll probably fail at it miserably lots of times, but it just feels so much better to have really MEANT this for once in my life: "I love you, without any expectations." It's like someone opened a window a crack and I realized I'd been living in darkness my whole life. I'm not exaggerating.
The real shock? Acting on that feeling, showing that kind of love to someone else, starts to actually make me feel good about & love myself, something I have struggled with & failed at for SO LONG. And then I feel really, truly OK if he doesn't show me love in return.
It's a positive, self-reinforcing cycle. I totally didn't get that until just now. How stupid of me. And I have no idea why the switch flipped--I guess I just managed to mess up enough I tripped and bellyflopped right into it!
Seriously, this is one of those, what he77 have I been doing all my life moments. I think I'm having a revelation.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
