I'll also open this up to opinions on whether to confront H about OW.
Let's look at the possibilities here. Either (1) you get an acknowledgment, or (2) you don't. Are you going to be satisfied with either answer? Is it going to make a difference how you approach things. Seems like it backfired on you before, why would you think anything different would happen this time. Thus, why confront. Either the truth will hurt you or you won't believe him. Don't go there.
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Now I don't know if I should tell other people what I know,
One of the best things I did was to keep my discussions about the situation with family and friend at a bare minimum. I spoke with my SIL. I spoke with my uncle. I spoke with a friend from doctoral school. That is it. I spoke with them because they were the people who would have an idea bout feeling a loss of a spouse through divorce or death. The rest was with counselors or divorce/separated groups.
TCBTE, everyone here knows what it feels like. They may not have the exact situation, but we have felt as you now feel. This is the time for you to follow the DB book. Everything here shows that your whole focus is your H. What about you? What do you want from life regardless of whether your H is in it or not. Move forward with life. Don;t let this consume you.