It does help in a sad way to know that we are not alone in this. We all will get to better places if we just keep ourselves busy and focus on the blessings at hand.
My L called and said he knew I had a couple of questions. I asked him about the verbage and also about the money thing. H had deposited what he normally does but his L wants to use that to make a reduction for this next pay period. I see where he is coming from but really if he wants to squabble over that then he can reimburse me for the bills I have paid this month so far that are his "responsibility".
When I mentioned it to H last week he said well those are your bills. Funny, I thought this man had a L that explained that we really can't afford this, you will be paying 70% of the debt and pay support and maintenance(like I am a car or something!) He is the one that wants to plow ahead knowing that I am not doing the status qou thing. He is going to be in some serious hurt when reality hits him in the face. Oh and did I mention he owes an additional $1500 to my lawyer. When all is said and done $8000 will be down the drain. H took out a loan to pay for his attorney, borrowed $500 from his parents for the first attorney and now who knows where he is going to get that.
The alarm is going off but he can't figure out how to work it to shut it off!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
H emailed me on the email I told him not to use. Told me that he was checking into refinancing his debt but because his name was on the title to the house he couldn't but they would be willing to talk with me. WTF?? Well my name is on the title too, don't know what he is thinking. L said that the way everything was worded he wouldn't have any rights to the house if I sold it etc, but it also means that I am responsible for it entirely on my own.
Did H get a dose of reality or is he just hoping that I will refinance the amount I am responsible for into the mortgage so that he can get me to pay more of his obligations? This man has lost it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
He's not thinking straight. The reality of what he has done is hitting and he is in a panic. You need to be careful and protect yourself. Like an animal backed into a corner, he is dangerous and unpredictable.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
kat, the only way to take his name off things is for him to sign a quit claim to get his name off the title and for you to refinance to get his name off the mortgage. Until you refinance, he won't be able to get another loan. Sometimes a lender will allow another loan based on the quit claim, but not always since he is still legally responsible for the mortgage debt.
This is all very basic stuff. I REALLY think you need to go to the library and get up to speed on some of the basics involved re: what is happening. Sticking your head in the sand is not a good way to go through this.
Sorry for the 2x4, but you've got to know how this works.
lodo
PS - don't you remember about me staying on the mortgage because W couldn't refi? While I was willing to do so, I refused to sign a quit claim because I wouldn't be legally responsible for the debt on a house i couldn't lay claim to. That said, I did sign the separation agreement giving W sole responsibility of house and any profit/loss should she decide to sell. Hope this helps.
Yeah I know you like to hit me with those darn boards. I talked to L about it. Then again he just got back today and I asked him a few of the questions I had and he is going to review those things for me. I will ask him again about the quit claim, though again I can not afford to refinance. He may very well have to stay on there.
I know you are watching out for me and I appreciate it but I am also trying to work with my L and an H that just doesn't get it. I have heard you, I heard you the first time. I am just dealing with my situation which is slightly different from yours.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to do one thing or another. You wrote this:
Quote:
Told me that he was checking into refinancing his debt but because his name was on the title to the house he couldn't but they would be willing to talk with me. WTF?? Well my name is on the title too, don't know what he is thinking. L said that the way everything was worded he wouldn't have any rights to the house if I sold it etc, but it also means that I am responsible for it entirely on my own. Did H get a dose of reality or is he just hoping that I will refinance the amount I am responsible for into the mortgage so that he can get me to pay more of his obligations? This man has lost it.
and I was simply responding to that. All I meant was that he can sign all the agreements the Ls want, but unless you refinance, his name will be on the mortgage and the banks will hold him legally responsible for that mortgage, which affects his credit rating and ability to get another loan. The only way to remove his name is by refinancing or selling the house.
Didn't mean to make you angry - I'll shut up now. lodo
What do I care if he can get another loan or not? I don't care how much of a mess he is in as long as I take care to watch all the stuff with my name so that he can't file bankruptcy.
Gee actually someone could tell I wasn't sweet for a moment? I must be making some babysteps (that or it is almost girlie time, sorry guys).
Keep giving me advice my friend and I promise not to bite...maybe just bark a little.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
What do I care if he can get another loan or not? I don't care how much of a mess he is in as long as I take care to watch all the stuff with my name so that he can't file bankruptcy.
i.e. the mortgage - if he declares bankruptcy and his name is on the mortgage then you've got a problem. All I'm saying is find out.
I have been thinking of this alot. If I can keep everything current, I don't think he would be able to file since the guidlines are so much stricter. I will have to call in another opinion on Wednesday because my L doesn't do bankruptcy and neither does H's L.
I have been reading on the websites and it does look like he would have to be behind on bills etc. It's not that I don't care, I do. I have been so tangled up in the emotional fight, it is difficult to suddenly switch gears.
Tomorrow I am taking a break from the drama and celebrate my Dad's birthday.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
